7 February 2009

Jenna's favorite song (lol)

Yes, she sings it all the time in her sweet tiny voice - and knows all the words!


I think maybe the best medication right now would just be to read the lyrics several times a day. You were all so right the other day, by the way, what's worse right now isn't the depression but the fear of failing the children. The fear of not measuring up, not being the person I think I should be. And when I really look at my expectations of myself, they aren't all mine - and they aren't all helpful or achievable...

I suppose what I'm saying is that sometimes I'm very jealous of the AP/gentle parenting folk who can just go by instinct, who are naturally in tune with their ideals. Sometimes, most of the time, I have to think about all of this everyday stuff - think HARD about it. It's hard work! And sometimes I have to step back and ask myself whether I'm doing unhelpful things just because they seem like the correct (ie AP) way to go. If you see what I mean. ;)

Ack, rambling again. Anyway...

I love hearing my tiny daughter singing. Especially things that I wish I didn't have such a hard time learning. Especially things I really hope she'll carry with her as she grows. Though maybe that's a bit too much to ask for, eh?

3 comments:

  1. that is so lovely...and you are so right, children singing is something other-worldly. A gift.

    Oh and my theory on the people who make parenting look easy is, on the whole, they have to be lying. I read recently (I think in John Holt's How Children Learn) a great quote. Instead of saying, "It isn't brain surgery or rocket science, we should really say, it isn't parenting". Because come on, is there anything asks as much of ourselves as raising a new person? (and in your case, raising 2, plus growing one. Shesh! Makes me tired on your behalf!)

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  2. No, I don't think its too much to hope for :) Its our hopes that give us our inspiration and drive in this world.

    And yep AP is very hard, and takes a lot of thought - you're not alone hon, and like you, I sometimes overthink, over analyse and end up causing myself a lot of stress and anxiety.. and yeah, I do the comparing of my parenting to others and find myself wanting a LOT.

    My best friend often tells me that being "good enough" is the aim... but secretly I want to be flipping marvellous and perfect :P so there. lol

    **hugs**

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  3. Sarah, Who are all these natural gentle attatched AP parents you talk about? You see I've always seen you as one of them, you are so committed, dedicated even and work so hard at it. Me, on the other hand always feel like I am a step behind my kids, desperately trying to keep my parenting peaceful, not to slip back into the ways of my parents. It certainly doesn't come naturallly all the time. When I hear it doesn't come naturally to you either.....I think at times we expect waaayyy too much of ourselves and need to sit back, look at our children and remember what we do do, what we have achieved and pat ourselves on the back. It sounds like you do a fantastic job.

    R xxx

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Penny for your thoughts? :)