31 January 2010

More Days

Days and days like these, ordinary and unique. Oh how I love to spend my days with these...Puzzles, reading, making, creating, lots of things to do as always. And plenty of time to be - just take our time, be in the same space, feel around the edges of our problems and *be*.Gifts from my mum, of incense and fairy dust. Smiles all round. And glitter, glitter all round too of course. She also pinched the new books, but we can wait and her school children will no doubt benefit too!Crochet lichen/flowers for the freeform project, which I intend to eventually be a play scene for my littles.Baby asleep face down besides me as I work. Tiny dry eczema-covered back, soothed by mama-made calendula and chamomile infusion and loose cotton clothes or bare to the kiss of fresh air.Drawing by Jenna, for Chris.Winter season table, like all of us, with space for Spring, any time about now would be fine by me.

29 January 2010

Soft Play

The result, for me, a peaceful day (in noisy happy bright surroundings for the littles to enjoy) making a collecting bowl for the season table. With frill just because.Today Em is here (again - she cleaned my house yesterday while I was at soft play), and brought yummy vegan food (again - could there be a better gift right now than a shared meal and company?), and we have just had a late lunch of randomness. The baby, once more, very enthusiastic.And these arrived, a couple of my books.Meanwhile, I am working on this, my first crochet freeform. It is coming along nicely. And keeping my hands and head just busy enough.

28 January 2010

Picture essays on surviving, and creating

Baby running off with my yarn. This is one of her favorite games, along with shaking her head at people, emptying my baskets on the back of the sofa, trying to eat the phone, and splashing in the bath (I swear she is a mermaid).Play.A little baby scarf to keep her neck warm in the sling. Oh how I long to be back babywearing properly again, and oh how wonderful to see my babies in more mama-mades.More play.
Some eating of falafal, salad, and stuffed vine leaves (thanks Emma!) - and Rowan loves everything we set before her.Beanie hat for a bean.Hand-dying with turmeric and beetroot. It was such a gorgeous orange, but is more yellow after washing. More beetroot next time. Yeah, I can't stand in the kitchen for long enough to cook a MEAL... But wool...?My first attempt at walking without the crutches more than a few yards produced these. Watercolours. Beeswax. Charity shop pinafore. Trousers for a friend's baby. Wool (um, I'll show you in a minute).Ugly fringed cardigan, with scissors taken to it, becomes wonderful warm purple lightly-felted coat. For £4.Hat for husband, not quite working out at the moment but hopefully can be saved from frogging.A happy portrait with me baby (and can you see the opal - my birthday present finally arrived)!Sweet unschooling Morgan, teaching me.Wool, in the corners of my life, holding me together when the thinking is too much weight to bear.

These days

The physio department are shocked and delighted with how fast the foot is healing - though they keep reminding me what an "acute" injury it was, I think they can tell I might overdo it if they give me the slightest license.

The children are healthy and whole. Emotionally, they are bound to be caught up in our adult hardships though. Morgan keeps bursting into tears over everything, and Jenna is an angry little girl right now. But she knows that something is going on, and that's all only to be expected. We're both trying to be there for them all, just be there, as always that is about all that can be done (and perhaps all that ought to be done).

Baby bean slept without nappies the last two nights, and slept over five hours in one go, and this morning I had that wonderful early morning fog of feeling a naked snuggling baby and pulling her close with the duvet around her shoulders to hold her out of the bed - and hearing the longest pee onto the towel I placed there for that very purpose. EC has been going, well, it hasn't been going really I guess as I haven't been able to carry her, or keep her in arms overmuch now she's mobile. And then sometimes, it just makes sense, and I breathe, and the moment is *right*.

Oh, and said Baby is climbing. And talking. If you count "ca" for cat, "gaga" for grandma, "mama" for when she's sad, and "ah!" for hot.

Ravelry is dangerous. I will say no more. Except that I kicked everyone's butts at Catan last night (competetive, moi?) whilst crocheting Sam an improvised lace-ish hat, which is REALLY PRETTY and gives me an excuse to try to go get some more 100% merino.

My marriage is... struggling... That's as far as I'm willing to go. It's a dark place to be, but there is as always hope. And light, and love, and moments of simplicity and peace which I am trying to hold lightly and find comfort in.

Pictures to follow, of happy every day things. When I force myself to shut down the little window in the corner of my screen marked "Ravelry: arwentiw's Projects"...

26 January 2010

Heartsick and tired out

I will call this a blogging break, although I will almost certainly still be here (and keep putting up ordinary life pictures and the occasional musing) but I hope you will understand there are things going on right now that are not good, not easy to talk about, and not really entirely mine to share. If I seem to be tending to the trivial and light, it is because reality can't be dealt with in a blog post. Not right now.

I hate being cryptic. I am feeling very sad, and like my world is falling apart. I wish I could share with all of you, dear friends, why this is so. But that would be to pretend to know why - and to imply that I had any idea what I was going to do about it...

25 January 2010

Book Sharing Monday: Mousehole Cat

Another wonderful classic children's book. A very favorite at the moment, especially with Morgan.
We love love love this book.It's a lovingly told, gentle, beautiful re-telling of an old tale, with the most glorious quirky illustrations. This is my current favorite illustration of all the children's books we own. With apology for the shaky camera!

22 January 2010

More of the same

More resting, more forcing my uncooperative mind into stillness, more lessons in permitting other people to take care of me, and more moments of joy too as I find that things don't all fall apart without me in control. Endless creating, reading, stitch by quiet stitch to the sounds of the radio and my little ones going about their days with all the energy of childhood.More visits from friends. More gifts, and smiles, and successes.Walks on the park(s) for them, every day, with Daddy. Cooking, with Daddy. Playing, with Daddy. And quiet sofa moments for me to read a story, kiss a bumped head, nurse a tired baby, allow some poking of the projects as they investigate how crochet works with their usual curiosity. I am waiting for them to all go out this afternoon before I try the knitting again. ;)

And for my mum... :)