More adventures, unschooling, and beautiful chaos

On Tuesday, Talia had her two year check. It was a bit twilight-zone-like. The health visitors are lovely, and enthusiastic about my sweet family, but Talia was really not sure about being in a play area without her sisters (she kept burying her face in me to hide from the other children, and taking me to the door to see if her sisters were still outside). Poor funny little fraggle.

We'd planned to head to Nottingham in the afternoon, maybe visit an art gallery or just take a wander around a less familiar place. We've never really taken the children in to Nottingham city centre before, only to specific places away from the shopping areas. Our first stop was lunch, followed by the market square where the children wanted to play in the fountains in spite of the freezing weather. We'd left their bag of spare clothes at home so we improvised a bit and spend a small amount in the Primark sale to make up suitable warm dry outfits they could change in to when they came out of the water!





As soon as they were dry and wrapped up warmly, the sun came out! They had such a wonderful time in the water, though, and it was another time I was so glad we could find a way to say "yes". Lots of people stopped to watch them play and laugh, and almost every single one smiled to see them.

We couldn't remember exactly how far away the art gallery we wanted to visit would be, and the children weren't wanting to walk far, so we visited The Token House (my favourite quirky little gift shop and fixture of my own childhood) where the children found hearts made from shells, beautiful boxes, reels of ribbon, soft fuzzy toy animals, a gorgeous map book, and rainbow egg cups. We rather wished we could afford to bring it all home with us!

Martin remembered how to get to the gallery from there, just around the corner, so off we went. There was an exhibition of paintings which was rather poop-themed, a giant latex alien-bug creature, some post-apocalyptic dioramas, a papier mache temple with a golden cat-goddess head inside, and an actual Cat Bus filled with squashy rainbow coloured cushions to sit on.



The beans were ready for another drink by then, so we relocated to the cafe inside Waterstones. After chocolate muffins and warm milk we washed hands, looked at a book about tropical fish and another about big cats, and went up and down the escalators (which have their mechanisms on display under glass).



Then back to the car, through the main shopping centre!

On our walk we found street musicians, and a lot of beautiful painted elephants. The children were particularly keen on one inspired by the rose window at York Minster, and I loved the one decorated in the style of Japanese lacquer-work. :) Morgan was interested in the artist's descriptions, and played hunt-the-signature. Rowan liked the brightest colours the best (she liked one painted all over with sweets, and one with iconic English birds and mammals).



Wednesday, we were all so tired we opted for the quietest day possible, which is never really all that quiet. The children spent a good couple of hours "duelling" (shouting Harry-Potter-accurate spells at each other brandishing knitting needles and chopsticks), and playing an elaborate game in which they were sneaking food from the house elves (ie my kitchen cupboards) and trying to get it past me and up the stairs as I in turn tried very hard not to see (or laugh at their antics).

Talia was so fascinated with her new melamine Elmer mug she insisted on almost hourly cups of tea (alternating between chamomile, peppermint, and english breakfast with milk and sugar!) and so tired from her very busy day that she breastfed and dozed quite a bit of the rest of the time.



The Sylvanians and the Ostheimer mummy and baby wolf shared the doll house nicely.



We painted. Had showers. Pretended to look after Pygmy Puffs. And watched Star Trek (TNG).





The house started off relatively tidy in the morning, and now beautiful evidence of life and living and learning is, well, overflowing somewhat. It took me hours yesterday afternoon to write this, with breaks to facilitate for children, and fetch snacks, and read stories, and hand over the laptop for Jenna to do some design work, and pick up the tired unhappy toddler again, and spell out a few words, and find a silver pen for Morgan. It's taking a good while this morning to edit.

This is what unschooling looks like, for us, right now, at these ages and stages. Lots of "yes". Lots of trying to keep up. Lots of running late. Lots of laughter and art and colour and snuggling on the sofa and watching the rain. :)

Belated Yarn Along - ramblings, reds, new normals

I'm still in the stage of lace-pattern hatred with my Artio shawl - I just can't "see" the repeats and the short rows are messing with my head. So I've put it to one side for the time being, since the rest of life has plenty of new rhythms and adjustments and finding simple things frustrating to be getting on with. It's very strange going back to it being just me and the girls, almost all of almost every day.

My hands felt so empty over the last couple of days without any real project to get on with (oh, you know, apart from spinning - and the kitchen - and trying to keep on top of laundry and facilitate for the girls...), I ended up casting on socks: Toots by Rhian Drinkwater in heirloom tomato-coloured yarn I dyed myself.

(This is the skein that taught me, no matter how reliable your supplier has been in the past, always ALWAYS check for skein bands. The usual three were not in place, and the skein disintegrated into evil yarnie spaghetti as soon as I tried to pull it out of the pan, so I had to hand wind the entire 100g to rescue it!)

I'm not reading much of anything either. A bit here, a bit there. Sitting at the Feet of the Rabbi Jesus, and The Celtic Wheel of the Year. The Mysterious Benedict Society with Jenna (taking chapters in turns now). Fantastic Mr Fox with Morgan.

Today has been perhaps our first day of feeling really comfortable with the new normal. So far this week Martin has managed to take the electric meter key to work one day and my bank card the next. Wednesday was a long long day, after not a lot of sleep and with so much kitchen sorting to do. So a full eight hours of sleep last night and a quiet morning in waiting for the Health Visitor (Talia's one year check, unsurprisingly fine and mostly just a chance for the Health Visitor to coo over how much they've all grown and reminisce about Morgan as a newborn)! Today so far has been just lovely.





Joining in with Ginny and friends for another Yarn Along sharing. :)

More Ugh

So, we saw the health visitor today. Want to guess her verdict(s)?

Morgan has dependancy issues (she asked for mummy milk and howled when I said no).

My house is dirty. "Doesn't your husband help out around the house?" Seriously.

My children are dirty. No, in fact, not her comment. That would be the Very Nice Doctor at Bristol A&E. OF COURSE they were dirty. We had rushed straight from a park where we'd spent most of the day. Seriously!!

And if we don't take Rowan for those blood tests (following the infection saga) then that will be another Red Flag and we will get a social worker.

Yup, that's about it for my day.

Morgan Time

I'm feeling a bit short of energy for my Morgan right now, middle of the bunch and so busy and uncomplaining. When my energy isn't going into the immediate needs of the baby, it's tempting to get on with things I want to do. And Jenna is always there, asking questions, lending a hand with things, Morgan is too easy to leave alone while she's contented in her little world. This seems to me like a good thing, in many ways, because I really love that her joy doesn't hinge on my every mood and I appreciate the freedom that gives me too! She demands so little, and she does beautifully without my meddling.Rowan seemed much better this morning, and was slightly calmer during the night, and Jenna had stayed over with my mum. So while Rowan explored apple slices and toys, crawling around touching *everything* in that gorgeous way a small naked confident crawler does... I had Morgan all to myself, and she had me. What did she want to do?

We made banana cake and shortbread (both sugar free), we turned a butternut squash and a lot of leftovers into vegetable curry and gloriously orange soup. We did cutting and sticking. We made our daily loaf and I let her do most of the work. ;) We made a necklace for Jenna. We nursed and chatted and danced. We just *were*.This afternoon, when Jenna came home, we saw the Health Visitor for that 6-9 month review thingy. Now this was a lady we haven't seen before, but she was fantastic. She asked about some of the hippy stuff, but always because she was curious, never in a disapproving way. Especially about the tandem nursing - she said, "I hope you don't mind me asking a lot of questions, I just have to take the opportunity to find out about this now, so that I can do my job better in future." We were also asked about Rowan's teething necklace, again because she wondered if it was religious observance and wanted to make sure she was aware of it in case she came across it again. I am surprised and VERY impressed, and the children felt really at ease with her and kept bringing things to show her and she didn't once tell them to go away or imply that they were interrupting. :) This is our second brilliant experience in this area with the child health teams.

The only other thing to say today is that I am still confused about the nappyless Rowan. I don't know what's going on. She has nursed normally through today, or at least better than she has been, but we are still 50/50 between misses and catches on the toiletting front. All I can do is try not to think about it (because that makes it harder) and relax - instead of doing my usual trick of going to pieces and thinking that I'm doing something wrong. On the plus side, she had just shorts on for most of the time the HV was here, and nobody got peed on. :)

Why I have neglected blogging (lol)

Too much life kept happening to me every time I went to turn on the computer.It just goes really fast - too fast to check messages or upload pictures. Too fast to remember what I'm doing half of the time. Too fast to think about going *out* somewhere with them, because just being at home keeps us so busy!

Things are still sort of slower though. Our new rhythms, and slowing down how we transition from play to rest and back again, and me spending less time fighting how they seem to work best, all of that means each day seems to go by slowly. Each moment is endless while it's here - and then it's friday again and the week went... where?
Morgan had new shoes.I trimmed her long fringe so she can actually see again, and she spent a lot of time in the garden with the worms and slugs and such things. One day this week they made a slug garden with bits of vegetables from their snack and assorted leaves, to see which foods the slugs would like best. Morgan brought one of their "pets" to me to inspect, and I very calmly sent her back outside with it, calling after her, "Hold it GENTLY - I see squeezing, I don't think the slug likes it!!"

The easel is our friend. Jenna and Morgan independantly came up with a way to both use it at once - colouring in a huge sheet with crayon patterns and swirls. That way Morgan doesn't get cross with Jenna bossing and taking over, and Jenna doesn't get cross with Morgan "messing up my picture"!
Hot weather, too sticky for this little mite, gave way to thunder storms. Morgan loved the lightening.
And we are loving the outdoors.
Jenna is sticking with the new rule-breaking. I love and hate that she can now say to me, "I heard your rule, but I decided..." It is frustrating and amazing, and I'm struggling with when to decide that the limit matters and when to protect this new sense of her personal judgement.

They have played with the map book a lot. I know they are learning from it but I often don't know what they learned. I understand now what I read about one mother in Unschooling Handbook who knew only as much of what her children learnt as they chose to share with her. I didn't see how that could be, but it's true for us right now. I overhear, look Morgan, this is England, where we live. We grow crops here and have sheep. And factories. But then another time they might say nothing, and I might assume that they are not understanding the map at all... Or they will say something that I believe to be nonsense, and I might have to fight my urge to correct. But something is being taken in, something important is gained, and the only concrete involvement I have is in helping them answer their own questions when they share them with me.Of course, maps are also good for playing pirates. They built a boat - oh how I love seeing them invent games like this TOGETHER nowadays. Jenna drew her own treasure map, and even added compass points.
Morgan is still a spirited child who is feeling Very Two (on the criteria the book gives she registers at the top of the scale on everything except resistance to change, having the alternate characteristic of irregularity lol). Reading the Spirited Child book was VERY encouraging, not just because it finally allowed me to feel justified in feeling in having totally different challenges to some of the parents I meet regularly, but because it confirmed that all the things I'm doing are the right things for their temperaments. *phew* It was, however, scary. Because I've always thought of Morgan as being that child, and not Jenna. Yet Jenna registers only slightly lower - only the ways in which she exhibits her traits are ways which gel with my own character! Um, and Rowan shows every sign of carrying those traits too, so all sympathy for Martin!!

Part of my day at the moment has been making gorgeous Tassajara loaves. So much for the bread machine, I'm hand making every day! The children helped me colour and illustrate this recipe card for the wall so I can make a half-size loaf without the book. They like to come and help make our bread too, which I am finding is really restful and grounding for all of us.Naps are still working wonderfully. Watching them sleep is a motherly activity in itself.And the day Jenna slept longer than anyone else, Morgan and I had alone time we haven't had in AGES! We built this. How very much pleasure she takes in simple things. :)
The Health Visitor came again, and told me how beautiful and pleasant and smart my children are, which is nice (lol). She also tickled Rowan's feet and told her that she has a lovely mummy who looks after her properly, and isn't she a lucky baby. And after she went, I had a little cry - not just because sometimes I have those fragile moments when I feel like I'm getting everything wrong, but mostly in fact because I find it unbelievably sad that anyone would think a baby lucky for having the basic love and care required for survival. :(

Last night I cut my own hair in a fit of fed-up-with-it-craziness. It is now short and uneven lol. :)
All week Jenna has been really focussed for some reason - doing a lot of things that I would class as "learning activities". She is really determined to Read Properly. She is often getting out her books, and things like sorting cards, the letter tray, or the mandala puzzle, and working on them with an intently studious expression.And that's this week, I guess. Books and laughter and time and toys. Nursing and loving and crying and craziness. Too many moments to mention, and just that little bit of sadness that I can't record everything sufficiently to keep hold of it. I guess that's it though - I can't keep this moment. Only live in the one I have *right now*.

May birthday walk, and other thoughts

It was Martin's birthday yesterday and we ended up at Attenborough again, in the glorious sunshine. What a beautiful place to spend a birthday. I love May sunshine!
And what a beautiful baby, already three weeks old! We saw the health visitor first thing, who tried to tell me that studies show co-sleeping is dangerous. I quoted the study, told her the factors it "mistakenly" didn't correct for, and who funded it, and quoted Unicef's website. And she got very flustered and apologised and told me that I'm doing everything right. Hmm... Thanks I think... She left me with a big pile of propaganda ;) including one sheet telling me why I shouldn't cosleep (produced by FSID who are a parent pressure group not a medical body) and one from Unicef telling me why I should. Gotta love the NHS...

Smile and nod

So on Monday we took Morgan for that two-year-old check thing. Jenna didn't have anything formal, but there were were (when eventually we got there - hint: taking children for drinks before seeing the HV not a good idea, they were filthy by the time we arrived) and several tasks were put in front of Morgan, who seemed confused but happy to follow the instructions.

Anyway, it all seemed a bit of a rubbish way to assess a toddler - if Morgan had been having an unco-operative day, she'd have come out as having something wrong with her most likely. As it was, she was rating around the 3-4 year mark on every test area...

But it was the conversation *I* had with the health visitor that made me feel a bit like I'd just dropped in from Mars.
"Can she drink from a cup?"
"Yes."
"No bottles any more?"
"She's never had a bottle."
"Does she ever use an open-top cup?"
"All the time, I thought that was what you meant..."
"Does she feed herself?"
"Um, yeah."
"Do you still spoon feed her?"
"I've never spoon fed her. She weaned herself onto adult food once she could help herself to it."
"Oh, well, that's good."

And a minute later...
"Has she started potty training?"
"Yes. Well, no. She's usually dry in the day, if that's what you mean. But I haven't potty trained her, and she still uses nappies when we're out and about. She just tells me when she wants to go and I take her - and at home she's taken herself to the toilet since she could walk."
"Oh. So you aren't potty training yet?"
"No. She's potty training herself."
"And she sleeps well?"
"She sleeps about twelve hours. Until recently she was sleeping about eight and then coming into my bed for milk and cuddles."
"I guess you had to do something about *that* with the baby on the way! [laughs]"
"Um, no not really. She grew out of it when she was ready to. Why sleep-train when she's quite capable of actually *wanting* to grow up and imitate the older folks in her life?"
"Oh. That's... Nice... You seem very relaxed about all this."
Smile, nod, don't mention EC or that we don't have a buggy or anything. And definately don't volunteer that she's breastfed unless asked.

Then on tuesday I had a midwife I hadn't met before (get well soon Ellie!!) who told me that I need seeing EVERY WEEK and if ANYTHING comes up on my urine samples or blood pressure readings I will NOT BE ALLOWED a homebirth. "You do know that, don't you?"

Smile, nod, don't mention unassisted birthing. DEFINATELY don't volunteer anything about our on-off labour attempts.

And then, bless the poor girl, she tried to go through the breastfeeding form thing with me. Of course, Morgan heard and started trying to climb up - any talk about breasts and she is *right* there. Once the midwife realised that I'm nursing a toddler she said, "oh, well you'll be giving baby *some* breastmilk then". She tried to broach how I'm planning to wean Morgan.

Smile, nod, say, "We're quite happy with the idea of tandem nursing thankyou." Don't elaborate. Keep your head down. Just being here with my nursing toddler is enough political activity for one day, forget trying to convert the confused and worried health professionals...

Cutting Jenna's hair

I cut Jenna's hair this morning! It was getting long and straggly at the back, and it's very thin so I hoped to encourage it a little. Also her fringe gets in her eyes, and I can't stand that - when she's struggling to see and always brushing it away, she shouldn't have to deal with that.

Unfortunately, as with having her hair washed, she doesn't like having it cut. But it's one of the non-negotiables. She hates having her fringe in her eyes, and she hates having it cut. So we go for the short term upset of cutting it. And if I have to I hold her down. I hate it, it makes me feel sick and dreadful, but it happens. Sometimes I wonder if that makes me a terrible AP...
On the other hand apparently half of the rest of the world thinks I'm totally permissive. I don't even know where to start with that one.

The Health Visitor thinks we're doing great though - and when I told her about my discipline panic she said that I need to trust myself. She said that Jenna is wonderfully well behaved, and that people are totally intollerant of healthy two year old behaviour and I'm right not to try to crush it out of her. She also said of all the families she sees, Jenna is one of the most advanced and vocal children.

It's lovely having a good health visitor, one who really encourages you to go with your gut and be yourself. But also it's nice to be complimented because, well, people just DON'T. Generally the last thing anyone will do is tell you you're doing a good job, and the fact that it happens a lot to me is definately more testament to the people I surround myself with than to my amazing super-kids. ;)

Connecting, and other first week things

Yesterday the midwives discharged me. When they saw us on the 16th, Morgan’s cord had been off for a couple of days and she’d only lost 100g (some of that being the cord clamp lol, they still used one even though the cord had finished pulsing!). Yesterday she had put it all back on – told you she was feeding well – and I was feeling back to normal.

Today I saw the strangest and most wonderful of things, a sympathetic Health Visitor, who praised me for co-sleeping and told me not to stop! Now there’s a turn up for the books…

I know this babba so well! EC is a breeze, though I’m not catching wee (just letting her be in a nappy without a wrap and changing it the moment it is damp). I’m not actually making any effort at all, and I don’t intend to push myself until a few weeks at least when Morgan is in more of a rhythm. But I know as soon as she wants to poop, I just know. I seem to know what mood she is in, like, all the time. It’s great being so connected to her.

Well it really is about time I mentioned my slings. For trips out, Morgan is in the Diana wrap. Oh I am even more in love with it with a newborn inside. It’s so pretty, and it’s just such a perfect cocoon for her. During the day I’ve been popping Morgan in the ring sling on and off to get things done and to play with Jenna, and twice Morgan has cried and not wanted milk so I’ve put her in the sling then too.

Every time she goes in a sling she stops crying instantly and goes to sleep, it’s like magic. I kind of wish she needed soothing in them more often! She doesn’t seem to mind where she is at all – when I occasionally pop her down on the floor she just lies there wide-eyed looking at stuff until either I pick her up or she falls asleep without fussing. What can you do?

The thing is, I’m ashamed to say, even with such an angelic little girl, Jenna is getting left out. It’s so EASY to have Morgan in my arms, and I just could stare at her all day long. And it isn’t that I don’t feel like that over Jenna any more, but it’s like an addiction, and I know the hormones have a large part of the blame but I should make more of an effort to fight it. Jenna is pretty quiet. She’s loving her sister, if anything TOO much (she won’t let her sleep!) but I kind of miss her and I don’t know how to get back to playing without losing something of the magical connection I have with my tiny Morgan.