30 September 2010

Turned Around

Isn't it funny the days that turn out to be unexpectedly delicious? This morning I could NOT have predicted a good day. It started before 6am, the first time this week that the baby has climbed into our bed before 7am. She had little tears in her eyes, and the accusing, "I called and you didn't come to me," look. Way to start the day feeling like a failure as a mother!

By half six, both of the others were up and both were crying. Seriously. Didn't we tire you out last night? Nope? Well, it took me about another ten minutes to give up on the calm meditative breathing and quoting scripture at myself, and I snapped, "look just go away and give me five minutes to wake up, or I will be a ratty horrible mummy!" They stayed. Whining.

Then in order to find clothes I had to tackle the washing pile. A strange sinking feeling reminded me that there were no clean dishes downstairs either, add another unpleasant job to the list of things to be done WHILE dealing (calmly please Lord help me to act calm) with children crying and begging for breakfast, another drink, another story, another song.

This is where TV would come in handy - but no, I would regret it later when they seemingly wanted to join in activities and instead got sucked into another program they didn't even like. At the moment I don't say no if they ask, but I do remind them that they suggested no TV in the mornings, and this usually works. So I firmly told myself to forget about that tempting little avenue of escape.

Another five minutes, and Martin is up and ready for work. And asks me if I need help. Do I need help? What does it LOOK like? I'm tired, I'm seemingly incompetant, I can't find a pair of knickers for Morgan, the house is a mess, and HE gets to go off and LEAVE! I cry. Quite a lot. I also rant. I nearly make him late for work until I am finally calm enough to go in to the children, who are cowering in Jenna's room saying that mummy is crazy but she does love us (yes, that bit is actually a quote, Jenna knows me rather well don't you think?)!

Somewhere in the ranting, my attitude changed. I realised something. I didn't give up my freedom. I have just as much freedom as I ever have had (though maybe, you know, being able to go to the bathroom unaccompanied is something I'm working towards regaining)! I could throw a huge strop and make Martin take a sick day, sure. But I don't. I could go get a job outside the home and leave him to be stay at home day (which, for the record, he would be more than happy with). But I'm here. Every day I DON'T do those things, I choose to be here.
And today turned out to be just wonderful.
Drops of watercolour onto salt...
Yoga.  This little pixie (doing her favorite, the unvonventional "peeing dog") is about to have her pigtails pulled by the smallest.  Ah sibling love and affection!
And we made it to the post office to send off a parcel. I know, there are at least two more promised (sorry folks!) but I'm getting there! Unbelievably, Morgan's footwear issue appears to have been resolved - by the marvel that is the singing day.
Then home for naps. Jenna and Morgan watched Totoro again, Rowan fell asleep at the breast and allowed me to sneak away. So while this happened...
...we got on with this...
Morgan made tea (risotto with pumpkin and unidentified greens from the veg box)...
...and I had time to do my October planning and some of my art journal (yes, sorry, another random picture of a pile of reference books and the pink folder lol)!
One of the four journal pages that are nearly ready for text and embellishment.
And one of my very favorites!
This evening, after tea, we went swimming (free passes to the gym again) and after hot chocolate the little ones have all gone off to bed. I am feeling so GREAT about today, to the point of even sorting out the dishes and washing so that I have everything ready for tomorrow. *phew* Happy mama. :)

4 comments:

  1. I really do commend moms that don't go the TV route, I always do when I'm feeling frazzled in the morning! Good that your day went much better, and I love the peeing dog pose!!

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  2. We do TV, we have and watch TV during the day, and the only restriction is that I get to turn off stuff that bothers me (they also get to do this to me). They usually choose when and what to watch. :)

    But at the moment, Jenna has said she thinks we have happier days when the TV stays off in the morning, so I am respecting her maturity and observation skills by reminding her any time she goes to turn it on automatically during breakfast. :)

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  3. Thank you for this post, you have given me hope for the rest of the day. Oscar didnt go to sleep until midnight last night and so I am tired, and came down to yesterdays mess and dishes and I have just found the cruddy nappies I thought were washed werent and Oscar had put the machine on spin (spinning wee and poop smears round the load..aaaaarg). Hopefully things will get better here on in.

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  4. Hehehe, I so have days when I feel like I have no choices - then I remember I do. I choose to become ac hildminder so I could stay home with Rye. I choose not to work in an office and let tax credits pay for Rye to be in a nursery or with a childminder. I choose this life. Good to remember that sometimes though :-)

    And twitchy fingers, the wool is looking rather scrummy :-) Oh gosh and how I giggled at Morgan and "peeing dog", brilliant! Oh I am so looking forward to see you all again at the Nov get together :-)

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