13 May 2009

Another day of multiple posting (sorry lol)

So, how are things? I've been missing more frequent contact with all of you out there, your daily thoughts and all of the goings on in your families! Very excited to be meeting some of you soon at the Green Parent weekend. :)

We're still definately babymooning, though probably doing a lot more than we ought to be. I have enjoyed so much time and freedom, and having so much fun with my whole family together, but it is quite tiring. I don't think I'd babymoon this way again (oh goodness, that sounds like I'm planning another one - am I already thinking about the next baby??!) We're also using the car more than we want to be, but doing all of those further-away adventures that normally are reserved for very rare occasions. At least that's one thing that will be positive about Martin's leave coming to an end in just under two weeks, no more car guilt!

Here is that darling tiny one, resting on the soft cushion of an empty-post-partum belly. How my confidence must have grown to have even taken this picture; five years ago I would have been unable to share it certainly. Oh the feelings come and go, but today acceptance of a body that has nurtured beautiful new lives and is just the way it ought to be. Even if Morgan comes and pokes me to tell me that I wobble. ;)
I've been really slipping towards the permissive with the older girls, and am just getting more whining and unhappy behaviour as my reward. Being "nice mummy" does not have to involve just doing whatever they want... I don't know why it's so hard to strike a balance and meet everyone's needs! I go from yelling to anything goes and back again so often I confuse *myself*. Things are certainly far better than when I was pregnant though, and I'm finding gradually my feelings and ability to have patience are returning - even growing. :)

EC is going more slowly now. On the one hand I'm not thinking about it like I did with Morgan. On the other hand I think overall Rowan is wearing more nappies, because we're out more. I just have accepted, with so many things right now, that showing grace for my children and for other people ought to also be extended to showing grace for myself and the place I find myself in RIGHT NOW. There is this tension between the world I know I want to live in, the world as it is, and my strange place with a foot in each.

I'm being inspired to live more how I want to live, be more as I want to be with other people (especially my precious children). And I think also, bit by bit, I am being given the means to get there. I am so incredibly blessed.

These three who have been my best earthly teachers, oh how each day changes them. Rowan is very colicky at the moment, but so full of her own character and her own strange baby wisdom. She is teaching me a lot about babies, when I thought I probably knew it all already. ;) She is also another lesson in living in the moment.

Morgan is so strong, so willing to be vulnerable and ask for help, so energetic and determined to push through when she needs something to happen. She has a delicious sense of fun, and helps me be just a bit childish too. I highly recommend a good dose of real silly play in every adult day. :) Favorite toys of the moment - anything that can be banged on while singing little made-up songs, and all kinds of wooden playfood (and other small objects) to be mixed into odd concoctions and fed to a family member!

Jenna is especially teaching me about respect at the moment. How the more you give the more you get. How fragile confidence is when someone is intent on correcting your guesses and crushing your inconvenient creative impulses. I say, "oh stop it, just sit still for ONE MINUTE" and then wish so much that I could take it back, because I can remember vividly that same feeling of betrayal I see in her face. Saying sorry doesn't seem like nearly enough, but I say it anyway, and her sunny thoughtful un-self-concious forgiveness flows freely. If only I could demonstrate half of her sweet gracious dignity.

3 comments:

  1. Wow, you have nothing to worry about with that tummy (not that you are anyway!). You even have your belly button back already! I'm still waiting for mine to completely pop back in, and all the skin on my bump went completely discoloured and still hasn't gone back to normal.... ;(

    Broken Man's Wife

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  2. Great to see what you have been upto this week... I had been thinking about you today actually and checking for updates!

    Beautiful pictures as always, I love the pic of Rowan in a back wrap :) Is that a morgaine sling? I didn't know you had one of those! It's my favourite sling at the moment :0

    Love Gina xx

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  3. (hugs Broken Man's Wife) My belly button never popped out in the first place... But I promise you I would look at your stomach and think it looks better than mine, it's a particular blindness all women share. Have you visited Shape of a Mother in a while hun?

    The Morgaine was my trade with Joxy for a mama-made mei tai. :) I have loved it from afar for years lol!

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