Yesterday we did so much clearing and tidying the house looks like a different place. I even took down the bedside cot (which hasn't even been used in six months and before that was hardly worth the effort of putting up) and our bedroom looks twice as big without it. When we have another baby I don't think we'll use it at all. Seems like first baby we bought everything, second baby we didn't use anything, third baby we'll get rid of it all.
My house may be feeling very tidy and clean and, well, like a home that is taken care of, but I'm feeling under the weather still. A bit down about my cycle and about not being pregnant, a bit blah about doing things with the children, a bit more prone to control and yell when we're doing projects or just doing anything together.
Right now Jenna is *not* napping upstairs, although once again *she* said she was tired and suggested a nap. I've just been up there getting cross with her because our usually-stuck living room door has been replaced today and now Morgan can get upstairs - so when she escaped while I was making a cup of tea Jenna came out of her room and tied Morgan up in some dirty washing. I told Jen that she is NOT allowed downstairs and she screamed, so I shut her in her bedroom again and shut myself in the bathroom to cry.
It's really wearing me down all of the little disobediences even though it's small stuff and I know the problem is with me issuing too many instructions and not doing anything when she ignores me. Sometimes I just really want her to DO as she's TOLD - the fact that it's little stuff makes it worse! It would be such a little thing for her to HELP me! Just put your shoes on if you want to go out. Just be gentle to Morgan. Just leave the TV off and find something else to do. Just come here so I can do up the button you're complaining about. Small stuff!!
I don't know what my next move is, what I can do to get my self-control back, what I can do to help this situation. Gentle discipline is tiring and hard work and I want an easy answer. The problem I can see with that is that I want the result of the tiring hard work, and not the result of the easy answers. The result of the easy way isn't the best for Jenna and it isn't the best for me. :(