22 January 2009

*Yawn* Please please sleep baby, come on, shh now, I'm here, pleeease go back to sleep...

Words I was heard to utter at about 2am this morning. And keep uttering, with a creeping note of insanity as the hours went by...

I heard a little soft baby cry in the early hours, and lay there for a moment feeling puzzled. Whose baby was crying? It sounded close, but it couldn't be Morgan, could it? Morgan would have come in to my room to cry more effectively close to my ear, right? No, it MUST be Morgan, it's not the baby next door, he howls, and this is a whimper. Is she going to come find me? Nope, right, OK, I'm up.

Down the corridor, into Morgan's room, usual questions. She just keeps crying, whimpering almost. And she keeps it up when the nappy is off, when she's clean and dry and nursing, crying so pathetically she can't latch on properly. Not screaming, not cross, not her usual unhappy noises, proper baby crying. Every now and again she manages to say "urts!" and by this I can only assume that her bottom is sore. But I am NOT putting the light on to see.

By 7am she is asleep, sniffling next to me. It's nice to be co-sleeping just for tonight, and kind of strange. I've got so used to not having her soft little body there and not being able to smell her sweet fluffy hair. I feel slightly crazy from lack of sleep, and slightly resentful, and also a little comforted to be able to hear her breathing, but mostly I'm just puzzled and upset that whatever it was I couldn't fix and she's sad. :(

When we get out of bed around 8 this morning I find she does indeed have a horrible rash. Then I remember that Jenna used soap on her yesterday in the bath, and she wore a disposable for a while at least (my in-laws always manage to send her home in one no matter how many times we protest, and no matter how many clean washables I send with her). I don't know if I've solved the mystery but it doesn't stop me being shattered.

Please, baby, pleeease let me have a quiet day today...

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