As with anything I have held in too long, it all comes out in a rush of words.
Martin gets most of it, as is right and fitting I suppose although when I'm feeling clearer-headed I pity him for it just a little bit. I'm telling myself he knew what he was getting into when he married me. ;) Yesterday was much better. This morning I had already burst into tears before he even left for work. I referred to myself as insane, and he kindly said if he thought I really was insane he wouldn't be heading off to work. Then he offered to call in and take the morning off if I was truly feeling that bad. Hmm.
I try to be balanced and open here about the ups and downs, but I have to say I'm feeling a little vulnerable and paranoid that I seem to lose a couple of followers every time I am honest about the painful stuff... Ack and now that IS self-absorbed! Deep heartfelt thanks to the encouraging words from so many others. :)
The big feelings, wow they really got their space this time after being somewhat bottled up, but... I can't dwell in them. They aren't a healthy place to live. Somehow the intensity can't last, even if it doesn't burn out and leave me completely. Basically, life goes on.
The Good Things get their due attention too. Friendships and fellowship and digging for worms.
Building lego pyramids and beeswax modelling=clay boats.
Making papyrus (with less than spectacular success!) and telling yet more stories. We are up to Abraham in the Story of the World book (and what happened to my baby's handwriting? - she is changing so fast).
And time for me to crochet a bit more, too.
We're off for a long walk somewhere after lunch today, and I have to say, I can't wait. Plenty of cobwebs to blow away, and I'm in need of a wide sky and grass under my feet, looking on beauty, and knowing that nothing I can feel or think is too little or too much to take to God in prayer.