11 March 2011

More Ordinary

As with anything I have held in too long, it all comes out in a rush of words.

Martin gets most of it, as is right and fitting I suppose although when I'm feeling clearer-headed I pity him for it just a little bit. I'm telling myself he knew what he was getting into when he married me. ;) Yesterday was much better. This morning I had already burst into tears before he even left for work. I referred to myself as insane, and he kindly said if he thought I really was insane he wouldn't be heading off to work. Then he offered to call in and take the morning off if I was truly feeling that bad. Hmm.

I try to be balanced and open here about the ups and downs, but I have to say I'm feeling a little vulnerable and paranoid that I seem to lose a couple of followers every time I am honest about the painful stuff... Ack and now that IS self-absorbed! Deep heartfelt thanks to the encouraging words from so many others. :)

The big feelings, wow they really got their space this time after being somewhat bottled up, but... I can't dwell in them. They aren't a healthy place to live. Somehow the intensity can't last, even if it doesn't burn out and leave me completely. Basically, life goes on.

The Good Things get their due attention too. Friendships and fellowship and digging for worms.
drowning 070
drowning 056
drowning 054
Board games.
drowning 067
Other games.
drowning 065
drowning 060
Building lego pyramids and beeswax modelling=clay boats.
drowning 063
drowning 064
drowning 072
Making papyrus (with less than spectacular success!) and telling yet more stories. We are up to Abraham in the Story of the World book (and what happened to my baby's handwriting? - she is changing so fast).
drowning 058
drowning 068
And time for me to crochet a bit more, too.
drowning 066
We're off for a long walk somewhere after lunch today, and I have to say, I can't wait. Plenty of cobwebs to blow away, and I'm in need of a wide sky and grass under my feet, looking on beauty, and knowing that nothing I can feel or think is too little or too much to take to God in prayer.

11 comments:

  1. Sending you huge hugs and lots of love Sarah, hoping your afternoon walk is filled with joyful moments.
    Blessings
    Gina xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. (((HUGS))), enjoy your walk

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gillian D (aka MummyMaker)11 March 2011 at 15:37

    thank you for your honesty! It makes me feel less of a crazy mama... Hoping your walk is the healing time with your Father that you need...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just a quick Hello from a lurker to say how much I admire your honesty instead of air brushing your life, that takes some courage.
    I've been reading this blog for a few months now mainly because I intend to home educate in a waldorf style and your blog has been the one to really give me a clear understanding of waldorf pedology in a practical sense beyond the lifestyle version of waldorf with wooden toys and nice paintings.
    By sharing your famly life (and always being honest) you've given me the courage to step outside the norm with confidence. Thank you.
    Lisa.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I dont think you should ever apologise for posting your true feelings - you will keep true friends through good and bad. I hope the walk has thoroughly blown those cobwebs! Take care xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sarah, your last phrase tells it all... "nothing I can feel or think is too little or too much to take to God in prayer"
    He will take you and make you happy and strong for the difficult feelings...
    Thanks for sharing also the bad moments. Life isn't simple!

    ReplyDelete
  7. have a lovely blowy away cobwebby kind of afternoon xxxx hugs Sarah x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sarah, I am greatly enjoying getting to know you and admire and appreciate your honesty. And your courage to be real. So there. : ) Hugs. Hope it was a lovely walk in the fresh air. Warmly, Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hang in there, breathe, love, live. If we didn't have the downs we wouldn't appreciate the ups xxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sending love and hugs your way.
    Looks like all that time outside has helped. xx

    ReplyDelete

Penny for your thoughts? :)