9 March 2011

Drowning

Is it incredibly self-absorbed to be complaining when so many people around me are actually truly suffering? Probably... :( About a month ago I started having flashbacks again to the night I held my tiny Lael in one cupped hand. If I've seemed quiet and, um, slightly non-comittal, then now you know, I am doubting my own sanity again.

How can I help other people when I can't help myself? And too many people are hurting. Even my baby has been in pain, only a minor infection this time thank goodness but worrying all the same when she is so hot and only sleeps and cries.
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My baby brother and his partner are grieving the loss of their baby. And I'm here, because I can't be anywhere else with the big feelings. I'm even worrying about saying as much as that, for the sake of their privacy, but I have to *talk*. :( I have been ill all week too, and I'm starting to think that the feeling of hopelessness must be a symptom because I can't surface and I'm sick of fighting it.

Ack. More knitting, and more pancakes from yesterday's gallon of batter mix. Yup. That might just help, right? :S
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7 comments:

  1. I don't think it is self absorbed. You still have needs and feelings despite what else is going on around you, the difference being, you don't feel able to give credit to those feelings because of all the hurt being felt all around you. I hope you all get the healing you need, and in the meantime gentle hugs. xx

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  2. Everyone has a chance and right to hurt sometime... and you are hurting, for a lot of things that get together in space in time... I'm sure you're still helping those who hurt around you.
    I hope you'll be better soon!
    Love,
    shanti

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  3. For me, it was the taking care of others that kept me going until I was ready and able to take care of myself. The drowning is something I can relate to too. But the feelings of guilt and the ability to write it all down so eloquently to share with others, shows that you are not truly drowning....you are just tired from keeping your head above the water. We just need to learn to float.
    Sending you hugs xx

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  4. Hugs. Sympathy more than i know how to give to your brother his wife and yourself. Feeling and seeing the night lael was born, in the circumstances is hun very very normal. You are all in my thoughts and blessings.

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  5. If you hold everything in its only going to build into something too big to be contained.Peace and love to all of you.

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Penny for your thoughts? :)