Cold, whiny, and broke. But also blessed.
Jenna took these with the broken camera. I'm impressed that it's still working at all with the cracked case and the line across the lens. It looks rather like it's hanging together by a thread. What a metaphor. A new one is on its way, this time with additional insurance on the basis that so far we haven't had a camera that has lasted more than six months. How awful is that?
Some days I hate not having any control over our financial situation. Some days I feel helpless and frustrated. Like the day we had a letter from the council to say that we had underpaid our council tax by £11 and that we had to pay it by the next day or be liable for the whole £300 for the rest of the year! Seriously.
Doesn't everyone have £11 to hand on any given day? No, no they don't. Often we do - and in that I can't count myself anything but hugely blessed - because so many of our friends NEVER have £11 to hand. As it was, my Dad paid it and refused to be paid back.
I am grateful that I can replace our camera so easily. Yes it involves shifting a bill payment by four days. Yes it means I have to be infinitely more careful over the Christmas food shop. But I CAN just go out and replace a broken camera. I am privileged.
And all the more so that more than one distant friend has stepped in with help. Every time I feel desperate about our situation, with the rent late or no food in the house, someone steps in. God is faithful. And my friends are flippin AMAZING. If only, in advance of the help, I could trust that it will come. I could see the daily struggle with money as a chance to be blessed by others. I could see living in poverty as a challenge to realise how rich I am in other ways.
The truth is, I often don't. But maybe I will in future. I can try.