7 April 2008

I really am pregnant and I really do want this baby

I got to the surgery on time, and as we arrived a car pulled up and parked opposite the entrance and someone waved furiously at me from inside. As she hopped out I recognised my midwife from with Morgan. She was pleased to see us, to comment on how lovely (and grown) the children are, and remember how long ago 16 months is. Then she asked where we were off to today, and I said here. I told her I was pregnant, and she was delighted for us and said that we must be her first appointment of the day. She ushered us right into her office even though she wasn't ready to see me yet, and left us for a few minutes so she could check in with reception.

The girls played nicely in the office, and were never told not to touch or to leave alone expensive equipment. In fact, she gave the doppler to Jenna to play with and showed her how to use it to hear her own heart, Morgan's, and the rumblings of her tummy. It was such a lovely relaxed morning, filling in the endless forms didn't even feel like a hassle. It was hard, as I knew it would be, seeing in writing that this is my fifth pregnancy.

I finally feel more focussed on the baby and having it come home with me and be in my arms, and less focussed on being pregnant and it not feeling real and yet feeling flipping awful at the same time. I've been much much better with the two older ones this week too, as if it has lifted my whole outlook. I hope it lasts!

Some further fun to come out of today is to look back on Morgan's useless six week check. After I told the midwife what had happened and how the doctor had been she couldn't quite believe it so she looked it up in my notes on the computer. She laughed outloud, looked a bit puzzled and disbelieving, then turned the screen to me to show me what had been written. My GP described me as confrontational and argumentative. :) I am thrilled to bits with that! As the midwlfe said, "argumentative" implies the doctor was somehow under the impression that she should tell me what to do and I should do it.

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