Not feeling right with myself recently

So far this week has been so majorly stressful I haven’t even wanted to get online. It’s exhausting looking after two extra people no matter how much we love them and want them here. Actually it would be easy to blame them for the extra stress but to be perfectly honest I think it’s just me in Mother Mode wanting to boss them about and make everything perfect for them when really I should just let go and it would be fine.

Whatever is up with me though I’m being awful with Jenna. I just can’t stop shouting at her. Martin is the same right now too so between us the stress levels are ridiculous. I’m getting what would be dramatic to call suicidal thoughts – but for me they feel that bad lol – I feel like just going to the nearest shop, buying up their stock of bottles and formula, and dumping both kids on the nearest passer by.

I haven’t ever really truly felt like I don’t want them, so these feelings are awfully hard to deal with. I mean, when I think about it, Morgan sleeps and feeds so well why would I WANT to give formula? But it’s just these voices in my head… Maybe when she cries and won’t feed, maybe formula would fix it and make her sleep and… Yeah you can’t escape those ideas even when you know it’s rubbish.

Besides, I think Morgan is only colicky because of the stress around here! The last two evenings have been awful. :(

In other news, the Jenna Dummy Dilemma has been… erm… solved. :S My drastic solution, which I was never more than vaguely happy with, has somewhat backfired. She no longer steals other children’s dummies! But the one that I brought her this morning to try to get her over the idea that they’re fascinating, has barely come out of her mouth all day. *sigh*

Let that be a lesson to you, what they want they sometimes really really want and can’t be parented out of by sneaky mummy. Such attempts may well be counter-productive. If you don’t want something to happen, don’t let it happen. Trust me on this. ;)