6 January 2007


This morning started well, I was in a good mood (and so was Jenna) and we managed to get up nice and early to go to the shops for ingredients to make King Cake for Epiphany. Both girls were anything but a nuisance at the shops, Morgan sleeping quietly on my chest, Jenna riding in the trolley being entertained by her grandad. It was a nice little outing. :)

Then we came back and had some lunch, and Jenna and I made cake. And ate some. And her sugar high was much more manageable than usual, perhaps because my good mood lasted well into the afternoon! I even started some baking, biscuits and quiche and stuff, and did some crafts with Jenna while things were in the oven. Martin had Morgan, and she was asleep until about 2pm. But then she started grizzling, and I kept trying to finish off the things in the oven, and the grizzling got more intent until she was howling and I was desperately trying to get everything out of the oven to go to her...

It was a horrible half hour. Jenna had fallen asleep in the comfort corner, exhausted from her happy afternoon's work. I couldn't leave everything where it was, so I couldn't go to Morgan, but I knew she wanted me. Oh God, I should have just let it all burn. :( She was totally distraught when I got there. She had had her Dad the whole time, and all the comfort her could give, but she wanted me. My priorities... Ugh. I should have been there sooner.

Since then though we've had a lovely afternoon. Morgan has just curled up on me and slept. Every time I move she frets, thinking I'm going to put her down again, but as long as she can feel my skin and I don't shift around too much she is content and sleepy. Jenna has come and joined us on the sofa, and all three of us have been cuddled there.

Every few minutes, Jenna has got down to get a new story book, and we have got through 14 so far. I don't know how many she'll get out of her Dad, he's just taken her up to bed (10pm). So I'm sitting here typing up all these last few entries in Word, still warm from my lovely peaceful day.

The thing is, Jenna isn't often very affectionate with me right now. And when I try to cuddle her, or tell her how much I love her, or tell her she is beautiful, she deflects it. Usually onto Morgan -

Me: "Jenna, I love you baby."
Jenna: "Love Morgan too, Mummy. I love *you* baby."
Me: "You're so lovely, Jen. You look really pretty in that dress."
Jenna: [To Morgan] "You're so prettiful baby."

So it was amazing to have her cuddle me, and listen to me, and let me love on her for a bit. Without making it about the baby. It sounds crazy, since I'd expect her to be craving all that attention and loving all the time. But mostly at the moment she seems to want that attention and affection from her sister, not from me. Strange lovely baby big girl.

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