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15 October 2010


We are remembering.  This is the only one of my missing babies' due dates that I know, because that first year irony of a due date with empty arms was eased by knowing that many millions were lighting candles that night, in a wave of light spanning the globe.  The end of Baby Loss Awareness week, my sweet Lael's due date, we hold in our prayers the families whose babies went on ahead, and once more we remember.

There are moments when it all seems just as real, where the memories of labouring that night and knowing that it was the end just overwhelm me.  There are also so many times when I briefly forget, and feel fresh guilt for the forgetting.  Grief is a complex thing, and no two people are quite alike, no two losses equivalent to the people experiencing them.

If you know someone who is grieving right now, I direct you to this wonderful resource (thankyou to the person who pointed me towards it today).  How to Help your Grieving Friend

If you, too, have personal experience of losing a child - either your own or someone close to you - I am sending you so much love as I type this.  I know who some of you are, and I promise you, as I light our candles I had you specifically in mind.  The list of names in my heart is too long to begin to type out.

And lastly, if you are up to the very raw reading, Lael's story especially as requested by one friend who has asked for the links (*warning - graphic*).  Please, if you too are feeling fresh pain tonight, don't take mine away with you too, but feel free to share your story here or anywhere.  There is a time to grieve, and a time to be comforted, and it's OK to cycle wildly between the two sometimes.  (hugs)

Lael's Loss 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8


  1. What a beautiful idea.
    We lost a little girl at 14 weeks.
    We also buried her under a rose bush.
    I went through many of the emotions you did.
    The term "products of conception" seems so harsh after going through the loss of a child.

  2. (((hugs))

    I'll be lighting some candles later too, not for myself, I've never lost a child, but for all the wonderful mamas I've come to know, who have experienced this sadness.


  3. Just read the story of Lael. Hope you're ok and the candles were comforted you in your loss this evening. H x

  4. Big hugs to you all. Thinking of all the Mamas and Dads whose angels are in their hearts, not in their arms tonight.

  5. I have just read Lael's story. I can't imagine it. I have seen many people I love have miscarriages and it has always stunned me, the suddenness and finality of it. And that doctor that called your baby a product of conception (which is the medical term) needs some sensitivity training. Going to light a candle right now for you and my cousin (3 miscarriages).

    xo Erin


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