Response from another parent who was at soft play when Jenna had her mega-meltdown; "Thank goodness other children behave like mine! I thought Jenna never screamed or kicked or said no, and my child was somehow terrible for occasionally carrying on like that!"
Anyhow, my Amazon order arrived in three short days in spite of me selecting the free shipping option. So I have been reading discipline books back to back, and have some thoughts about how I am with Jenna. I am definately nagging her too much, talking too much, telling her too much. Sometimes, for no reason, it's a constant stream of do this don't do that. That clearly has to stop.
The other thing is the bathroom issue, her suddenly wanting to play with water up there and then lie about the mess. We have decided that the lying is definately a fear of our reaction, and that we really have to stop blaming her at all and do what we're always saying we should and focus on the clear-up. We shouldn't make such a big deal, and maybe it will stop - not that she's doing it because we react or anything, she's doing it because she's three. But there's no reason for being three to force her to lie and hide to protect herself from being shouted at.
Since realising that there have been two incidents of bathroom watering, which simply haven't irrtated me like they did before, and have been cleaned up with no damage to her tender heart. We've also been getting on a LOT better for not directing and controlling her too much. Things are feeling less stressful by a great deal; I really hate getting to the point where we're enemies and fighting over everything.