Right, OK so now it has really kicked in (so cue the self-pity). I am really sick. I hate early pregnancy, and as much as I'mm trying not to dwell on it, I can't snap out of feeling low about it. I didn't want to be pregnant yet anyway - not really - and now I have to be ill and tired too. Not fair (stamps feet).
Along with feeling negative about the pregnancy again, I'm struggling to be nice to my children. Jenna has been downright defiant and rude today, every time I have asked her to do anything (or told her to stop doing something this very second) she has screamed at me, thrown things, typical pre-school stroppiness. It has wound me up to the point of yelling a couple of times; and when she wouldn't help me tidy up the toys she had thrown around out of boredom I threatened her with early bedtimes (way to go on the gentle parenting!).
Things are a bit better this evening, she grudgingly helped me tidy after some coercion which although I feel guilty about I obviously thought was necessary for my sanity at the time. I guess it just feels like every time things are OK one of the children does something to set me off feeling rubbish again - so naturally rather than getting my head right before speaking I'm blaming it on them as if they were doing it all to me... I really want things to change. I also really want a break so that I can have some perspective that isn't bitter towards them - or myself. :(
I've thought of something good though. We've been arguing over nap times again and she has been doing awful stuff when she's up there and doesn't want to be. But today she went up like an angel, she complained and then when I insisted that it was going to happen anyway she went up and after one story settled down for her sleep quietly. And I didn't hear a sound from up there, so no messes to deal with badly or otherwise today!