The way I discipline Jenna is improving in leaps and bounds. I feel more in control of my own actions again and less afraid of my own angry reactions. I think just clarifying what I know I should be doing, and reminding myself that I can do it right and that I don't have to be tied into the same old ways of acting - I'm responsible for my own actions, and I can stop from losing my temper. I'm choosing not to give in when I feel like acting like a child myself. Why isn't it this easy all the time?
I've thought of a way to tell whether I'm being respectful in the way that I ask Jenna to do things - and in what I'm asking her to do. I want to act towards her more as I would to an adult, to a close friend or to my husband. I don't expect her to behave the same way, or for the issues not to be different (I'm not likely to have to ask my best friend to remember her limitations in picking up the baby) but I can probably guage whether I'm being polite by thinking of things that way.
Would I say, "OY! Martin, stop that THIS INSTANT. I do NOT want to see you touching that when I asked you to leave it alone!" I would be more likely to say, "Babe I need that to be safe. Can I have it over here? I'm worried it's going to get damaged if it's moved around."
"Put your coat on, it's cold." Might be more likely to be. "It's colder than it looks today, do you want to take a coat just in case?" I don't think I'm putting it how I mean it, but anyhow that's the thought that's helping me to not be pushing her on everything.
I spent most of this morning sitting on an industrial car park with the baby asleep on my back, scraping up moss for our Easter garden. When I went in to ask for permission at the reception desk Martin nearly waited outside with Jenna, he joked about never having married me if he'd realised I was this crazy. I suppose I gave the receptionist a bit of entertainment though. :) It was quite satisfying work really, trying to get the thick green mossy carpet up in one large clean sheet. It looks beautiful laid out in the tray with a little soil underneath and a pond set into it. There are tiny white flowers in one area, and some little baby herb robert plants with the red-gold leaves dug up from the patio in my garden.