I swallowed my nerves yesterday and told Martin what I was feeling at the time was bad news. I really needed him to just be accepting of it and of me, and he exceeded that by a mile. I should never have had such little faith in him; as a friend told me last night, "He loves you, that's all that matters!" I had hinted that I felt like I might be pregnant even though it was impossible (!) and he had been a bit, well, dismissive. And said things like, "We're not ready." But last night he called me silly admitting to my worries and told me that he would be over the moon if we were going to have another baby.
Somehow that gave me permission to admit to myself how sure I am. I still have no symptoms apart from one area of charting, that this month CM didn't slow after ovulation (hang on in here those who don't chart, don't understand charting, or just don't want the information overload about my bodily functions!) That's it, no sickness or anything. I feel a bit full of milk and tender, but that could just be that Morgan has increased feeds a bit (I don't know if I'd notice if she had lol, I still don't time or limit her).
I wanted to trust myself and trust my body this time, and not resort to testing... But I still feel like I can't tell anyone, especially get booked in with the midwife in a few weeks, without doing one. So at least for the sake of planning, I have some coming from ebay and I'll test when they arrive (hopefully today).