27 January 2011

Hello!

You don't get many pictures of me. Often lack of confidence, ALWAYS an unexamined feeling that documenting *them* is more important than documenting me. Martin took this picture, and I sidelined it to blog a selection of *other* pictures from that day instead. *sigh*
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I hope I post as fair a percentage of the unbalanced and crazy and miserable moments as of the wonderful, joyful and inspiring ones. Yet I cringe at putting pictures of myself here, in spite of the prolific posting. Somehow it's more comfortable to share the intimate thoughts and feelings than it is to share my own image. You would not believe how much I dithered about even saying this.

The only reason I can think of is that writing feels comfortingly anonymous and unselfconcious. I feel so much less natural putting a face to my name, so much less comfortable with my outer self.

I can't help thinking how sad that is, that even though *generally* my body image is positive, I avoid the camera. I really don't like the idea of being invisible in our family memories. I don't want to look back and always have been the one behind the lens. If you get more insecure ramblings at the same time, sorry, but at least I do fully intend to stop hiding!

9 comments:

  1. Im so with you on the not wanting to be invisable in the family photos and like you even though I HATE having my picture taken I made it one of my resolutions this year to actually be IN some of the pics with my lovely family ! x

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  2. Hooray! And hello! I am the only photogrpaher in my family so when you look back it is often as though I am not there too - what I want is for somebody to take lovely unposed pictures of me with my children :( Cameron would never think to pick up the camera and snap away though - so we end up with *millions* of shots of the kids, lots of him and the kids and the occasional posed all-smile-for-the-camera shot of me. Rubbish.

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  3. ''Hello'' beautiful mama :)
    Unfortunately for me Warren is a mad keen photographer so perhaps a little too many photo's of me lol.
    Just want to say Sarah, I so love your wonderful and HONEST blog :)
    sue x

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  4. I'm like Lisa and am almost always the one behind the camera because my husband doesn't think to snap away.
    You are so right, it would be a terrible shame to be invisible in the photos of my children's childhood. I may have to remind my husband to take more photos (Again!).
    I'm not as brave as you though so my blog will most likely stay photos of the children only.

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  5. Lovely to "see" you more. I'm rarely visible but I generally take the photos, although Imogen takes some of me these days.

    Had to smile just as Imogen saw the picture of you in my dashboard on the computer and said it looked a bit like me! (although I will add I have shorter hair with highlights and look older too!) She said you looked lovely :)

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  6. A lovely picture well done for having the courage to post it... I know for sure I would run a mile if I had to do likewise!!

    San xx

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  7. and I see the most gorgeous Mama, with a face shining with love, with knowledge and deep wisdom
    Let your Goddess loose
    xx

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  8. I love this post, and would like to make the same promise myself. Do you mind if I quote you in my blog? Oh, and hello!

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  9. Of course you may, quote away, and hi! Thankyou. :)

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Penny for your thoughts? :)