Leaving the baby and thoughts on sleep training

I’m totally exhausted today because we had a full day yesterday. First we went to a second hand sale and the girls now have a whole load of new clothes (for £5 total). Then we had some time at the in-laws. Then I went to my friend’s hen night, leaving Morgan with her Daddy not far away. And OH that was so hard…

At the hen night I was having fun, but feeling far more torn than I remember being when Jenna was little – or maybe the memory of the trauma just fades over time. I felt absolutely sick when I first left, frantic for her, and it took a lot to distract me (fortunately the distraction was provided by my girl friends wearing hardly any clothing lol).

After an hour I was expecting my lift at any time, but got a phone call first to say that Morgan wasn’t happy and wouldn’t settle either for the expressed milk in a cup I’d left her or for Daddy and the sling. So I got my stuff together super-quick so that I could be out of the door the moment FIL got there. I fretted all the way home, to find her exhausted and fast asleep on Martin. She woke up and snuffled for a second before she realised that it was me she was snuffling on, fed, and slept the night through as if nothing had happened!

But Martin was gutted, and had found it so so hard to hear her wailing for me, for what she needed, and not be able to help her. I, at least, hadn’t been put through the wringer hearing it. Fifteen minutes, maybe a little more, and he was a wreck.

At the exact same age, we started trying to sleep train Jenna (for a week, before we decided we just couldn’t). One time she actually cried for twenty minutes without comfort. Really puts it in perspective. I can’t believe we ever did that to her, and how cruel we now feel that Morgan would cry for that length of time with loving arms to hold her…