Do you record those little moments of awe? I try to, but so often I forget - and then it just comes back to me in the wee small hours and I have to leap up and write something down! OK so leaping is firmly OFF the agenda (ankle still hurts and Baby Bean did very little sleeping) but I wrote myself a note last night. It says, "Rowan - Tree". You can tell I wrote it in the dark, too.
Yesterday I had one of those perfect moments with my baby. She was in the sling, and we were watching the chaos as her sisters and Daddy played hide and seek with my brother and his wife, all over the rocks at Elvaston Castle. A huge old tree we were standing besides caught my eye, and I looked - really looked - at the tough thin wrinkly peeling papery bark and the reddish skin beneath. I felt her go still in my arms, and saw her follow my gaze.
She reached out a hand, and gently stroked the tree, and looked up at me with a baby face alight with curiosity. I didn't say a word. But that moment stuck, somehow.
Last night with her warm breath on my shoulder, I felt a little hand reach out and touch my arm with the same tenderness. Just touching in. I stayed there, in that dark safety, and looked at her little face. Then rolled over a wrote myself a note before rolling back to nurse her without those little eyes opening.
There are moments, when being a mother is pure magic. Sharing their discovery and wonder and joy... The only way I can describe that feeling, is - this is where I am meant to be.