Bleeding again. No sign of ovulation at all before it started this time. Not feeling too bad but generally disappointed. I'm even considering that if I so obviously can't keep it in perspective and am feeling so low already we probably shouldn't be trying for another baby anyway. I can't help feeling though, that if the world was fair I could just start at thirty weeks or something, bearing in mind that in the last four years I've spent thirty weeks being pregnant and not got to keep any of the three babies that resulted.
Father's Day weekend was stressy and long. Both days we did family event type stuff though so we got through it by not talking to each other. It's just generally that we're all feeling grumpy and impatient but wheras I'm working hard not to let it result in the children being shouted at, Martin isn't managing his temper. I got so upset with him at 3am one morning, when Jenna called out for someone to bring her a drink and Martin shouted at her, that I told him he's teaching her that he only loves her when she's convenient. Most of the time I'd just be patient until it passed and he was back to normal, but I can't afford that when I'm barely managing myself.
Anyway, at the event on Saturday they had some fair-type-games like a board with nails, some of them tipped with paint. Jenna won a sweet quite quickly, with Morgan looking on. Morgan then indicated that she was having a go, and picked out the exact nail she'd seen Jenna put back in a moment before. So she had her first taste of jelly sweets, and thankfully there were no more sweets forthcoming after that so I was saved the decision about how much sugar would be too much!
There was another game laid out where you had to try to get some beanbags into the furthest box, and Morgan watched that one carefully for a while too. Then she scooped up all of the beanbags in her arms, and walked to the end box to drop them in, looking as proud as can be.
Today we had soft play and once again Jenna was running with a large pack of children of similar ages. On Sunday we watched a big group of them running from behind a big shed to a tree and back again, all touching the tree but not seemingly bothered about who was first or last or with any point in mind other than running and touching the tree! Today they seemed to be inventing games as well. There was a sticky moment when Jenna was protesting because she wasn't being allowed to join a game of "rock the tower" which they'd just been building. I stayed back to see what they'd sort out between them.
After a moment of crying Jenna ran off with a cry of "I'm chasing" and they all ran off after her. Nobody was catching anyone, or trying to, and it was unclear who was following or copying either, as they all added to and changed the game. I felt priviledged to watch them at work.