4 June 2008

*More* honest accounts of my own behaviour

What a rubbish day. You know those days when people ask you how you are and you lie rather than tell them that you just want to find someone to trade with right now before you lose your mind? It's always tempting to edit myself here, but hey this is meant to be an honest account of our lives, right?

It started promisingly, as I woke slowly to a quiet house and thought, "Oh, they're not up yet!" Then I heard my mum coming in to the house, realised that Morgan wasn't next to me and Martin had already left for work, and grabbed a dress *very quickly* to go and see what mayhem they had caused downstairs. I don't mind them going to help themselves to breakfast but I do mind them doing it when I'm not even awake and don't know they're down there. I was also a little embarrased that my mum was letting herself in (she wasn't being rude btw, she has a key for moments when I can't get to the door and we'd arranged for her to come this morning anyhow!).

Anyhow, nothing too terrible although Jenna had managed to unlock the back door and they were playing in the garden in their PJs. After I'd gone back upstairs to get myself some a hair band and some socks, I called Martin and ranted at him about not waking me up, feeling like a bit of a heel for doing so even then as I KNOW he was just worried about how little sleep I'd had (feeling ill last night). Anyhow we went off to Shipley for a long walk in the woodland and a general chat and a play. The girls were really very whingy and tearful and stroppy all the way around, but it's easier to deal with out of doors and I figured they were still tired from a long day yesterday.

At home it just got worse, and I ended up behaving like a child myself. I yelled at Morgan for making a mess with her dinner (duh) and then screamed at Jenna for pulling my hair when she tried to climb up behind me on the sofa (a pet hate but that doesn't excuse the screaming). I've talked about it with friends before, this horrible mood where you know that you're behaving irrationally and that just makes you more cross. It's like choosing to have a tantrum because you're rebelling against yourself - oh I can't put it quite right but I've *felt* it a few times... It can't just be me!

All better now, eventually they were persuaded to have naps and me and my headache sat down for a rest and a read. I even got a bath when Martin got back, so I feel human again and can laugh at having thrown my toys out of the proverbial pram earlier. Jenna seems pretty unfazed this time, and when I apologised she gave me a hug and called me a silly.

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