I have spent ALL DAY crying and I have a headache. I'm miserable again and it's NOT FAIR.
Last night I felt a bit tired and stressy with the children even though we'd had a lovely day, and I felt a little sick which has been the precurser to the last couple of periods. Sure enough, this morning I had cramps and bleeding AGAIN. It was too much to handle all over again and I burst into tears again, couldn't face soft play and all the newborn babies. One of them even has our favorite girls name, it's just so painful not only knowing that that is what I lost but also that that is what I cannot have again until my body co-operates (if it ever does).
There isn't even anyone to ring really, they're either all working or possibly not up yet. And I can't text for lack of credit. I decided that we'd have to go out even though I didn't feel like it because if we're not doing soft play we need to do something. Unfortunately it didn't really go to plan.
After we did a couple of jobs I took the girls to a cafe we like for a rest and some hot drinks. All fine, until Jenna starts quietly singing and the elderly suited couple next to me start to get annoyed. I had asked Jenna to be quiet, but in spite of being very sensitive to whether my children are being noisy in public I wasn't finding her singing too much.
She was HAPPY for goodness sakes - how can you tell a three year old off for being happy? Well the woman lent over and asked me if I was "going to tell that child to be quiet" and I said that she was three, and what would they suggest I do about her singing quietly? She said that it was unsuitable behaviour for in public, and that if I was obviously not going to do anything about it then she hoped I was happy with ruining their meeting. I ignored her, and seethed, and that would have been that if the waiter hadn't heard her raised voice and basically asked me to take the children and leave "if you don't mind, since you seem to be finished".
We sat on the pavement outside and cried and cried. When did the world become this? When did a child having something to sing about constitute a public offence? When did the world decide that children are just an inconvenience and shouldn't be allowed to disturb "real" people? Why did this have to happen to me today?
The rest of our jobs were abandoned and we came home on the bus - I cried all the way, trying really hard not to and failing.