18 April 2012

Long Days

This week has been a whole run of looong long days so far.  Post-birthday slump is one explanation.  Though it hardly covers the sheer level of crazy all four of my children have been offering up to me...  Jenna is, um, feeling a little moody.  That would be a generous version.  Rowan has upped the ante on the destruction she can cause if I dare to take my eyes off her.  Even Morgan is slamming doors and picking fights!

All of us are a little snuffly and headachey today.  Talia, as usual, is worst hit, and although we're still getting the smiles, we've also had a couple of 8-hour-long nursing-camp-outs where she howls if I move from her side.  I'm going with it, taking the children all upstairs and laying on the kingsize bed, reading to them, singing songs and rhymes til my voice gives out, and feeding that baby.

I had a little hysterical weep in the room at the back of Church on Sunday about how I sometimes feel like everyone else's children are easier.  That stupid people-pleasing bit of me kicked up a fuss this week as I made excuses for my baby being a baby ("a bit grumpy today" - why the heck did I say that?) and I had to go and hide until I could talk myself around to not reading figment-of-my-imagination judgement on people's faces because I have a baby who sometimes just cries in arms when not obviously hungry/tired/teething/etc.

(I swing from, "if I could meet her needs, she would be happy", to "she's entitled to feel however she feels and I need to just be here for her", to "what did I do wrong that she cries so much?", to "at least she bothers telling me she doesn't feel right"...)

By Monday we knew we were settling in for a long low-grade bout of illness.  Honey, ginger and lemon all around then, and some more rest (except for husband, who is working harder than ever as work need help moving the shop floor around).

Anyhow.  That's how come I have had just over three days of doing the bare minimum to keep everyone fed and safe, and spending the rest of the time reading, and trying to stem the rising hysteria on those occasions when my four month old baby is just plain miserable or the other children give every impression of trying to make life as difficult as possible.

This morning the sun is shining, and I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  Last night, yeah, well, the less said the better I think.  Amazing what a bit of sleep will do for perspective...

4 comments:

  1. Aw, big hugs love! To everyone! I wish I was there to help in any way I could, even if it was just to distract a child or two so you could have a little more peace whilst you nurse.

    Don't forget that as much as the children are entitled to their own emotions and feelings, so are you. It's understandable to have a low moment when things are tricky. I hope you can find some small joy in everyday to help keep you going.x

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love how reading your blog makes me feel like I am not the only one who has these days, or indeed these moments of self doubt. Keep smiling boo x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh I could so have written this! I sometimes really struggle with my inner critic and people pleaser too. Especially when it seems that my children are the only ones who never stand still or talk in anything other than yells! Then I always revert to my old slightly more militant self! So nice I'm not the only one that struggles with this. Hugs Clair xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. We're doing OK... Somehow. At least the kids weren't ill as long as I expected! And thanks for the hugs! :)

    ReplyDelete

Penny for your thoughts? :)