24 April 2012
Being and hurting and healing and hurting
Do we look like we've been ill and tired and snappy and grouchy and tired?
This week really has been a trial - and a constant internal battle between getting out of the house (and feeling better myself for the sunshine) and then finding the children still (although not noticeably ill any longer) unbearably manic and/or miserable. I have been finding it incredibly difficult to hear "no" from them too - knowing how I want to behave when they stomp their feet at me, and finding myself being rude right back at them instead. Well.
A whole nother week ahead to *not* mess up. Well, we can cling to hope even on a less-than-promising day.
Jenna does this thing where she pushes and pushes until I lose my temper. What *is* that? I used to do the exact same thing and I have no idea why I did it either. Something like reaching a point where you just don't care about the consequences any more and want to prove that you can at least win by not giving in even if you can't win the argument.
Yesterday Jenna told me she was going for a walk. Rowan was very tired (and naked!) and I told her we were not going anywhere until Daddy got home. She told me she was going anyway, whether I gave permission or not. I told her the reasons why I could not allow that to happen. She climbed out of the window. I dragged her back inside by one arm. She kicked me. I took her upstairs and told her I needed to go and calm down.
Chris: You OK, Sarah?
Me: No. I want to break this plate over my daughter's head
We made up quite quickly a few minutes later when she came back downstairs. But I am utterly useless at dealing with it and I'm just dreading the next time. :(