24 April 2012

Being and hurting and healing and hurting

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Do we look like we've been ill and tired and snappy and grouchy and tired?

This week really has been a trial - and a constant internal battle between getting out of the house (and feeling better myself for the sunshine) and then finding the children still (although not noticeably ill any longer) unbearably manic and/or miserable.  I have been finding it incredibly difficult to hear "no" from them too - knowing how I want to behave when they stomp their feet at me, and finding myself being rude right back at them instead.  Well.

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A whole nother week ahead to *not* mess up.  Well, we can cling to hope even on a less-than-promising day.

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Jenna does this thing where she pushes and pushes until I lose my temper.  What *is* that?  I used to do the exact same thing and I have no idea why I did it either.  Something like reaching a point where you just don't care about the consequences any more and want to prove that you can at least win by not giving in even if you can't win the argument.

Yesterday Jenna told me she was going for a walk.  Rowan was very tired (and naked!) and I told her we were not going anywhere until Daddy got home.  She told me she was going anyway, whether I gave permission or not.  I told her the reasons why I could not allow that to happen.  She climbed out of the window.  I dragged her back inside by one arm.  She kicked me.  I took her upstairs and told her I needed to go and calm down.

Chris: You OK, Sarah?
Me: No.  I want to break this plate over my daughter's head

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We made up quite quickly a few minutes later when she came back downstairs.  But I am utterly useless at dealing with it and I'm just dreading the next time.  :(

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5 comments:

  1. I am so sorry you are having one of those weeks, I hope I haven't added to your burden :(
    As for Jenna, well you know, as annoying as it is, I couldn't help smile just a little because I remember it too. One instance where my Mum asked me to go to the shops sticks in my mind (and will forever), where I said, 'you can shout and threaten me and even hit me if you like, but you still cant make me walk to the shop if I don't want to'. I was about Jenna's age, which meant my sister was 4 and my twin brother and sister were babies. I sat on the doorstep with the note and money and refused to budge. Now I think, what a little shit, lol. I was just flexing though, we all do it (my poor mum).
    V
    xxx

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  2. Of course not, mama, don't worry about it. (And that story is so very familiar - so like me - and now Jenna! Ack!)

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  3. Oh dear, I hope things go better soon :) I have to laugh because I, too, was a sassy little thing when I was younger, and I can already see it coming out in Ingrid at nearly 4years old. We are SO getting our payback!!

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  4. Aye, I had a secret smile to myself too. Rye is just starting to flex these "muscle". I'm finding it pretty difficult too.

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  5. ive been doing nothing but losing my temper with the kids lately :-) maybe its the pregnancy, but i think im just tired of them acting up so much. maybe they are not acting up (as that's what kids do). they scream a lot even after i tell them to lower their voices and i just have the BIGGEST headache! oh well.

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Penny for your thoughts? :)