26 November 2010

Turn the Day Around

Nope, not a post about how I overcome One Of Those Days - I'm still in the middle of it here - but hey if I can be honest about that I'm telling myself that I *can* sort it out... Let's start at the beginning.

My day started at 2am. Now that might have been a normal expectation a few months ago, but damn it all if my expectations keep getting messed with. Rowan slept a really decent full night for a couple of months. I felt GREAT! Then she went onto an interesting variation - one week on, one week off. Then she got ill and did over two weeks in a row of Not Sleeping At All. So, today, my day started at 2am.

By 7am everyone was awake, and loud. Then Morgan deliberately stood on Jenna's bed to pee (I mean WHYYY?!) and pulled the lamp shade so that it broke. I lost my temper, stormed back to my bed to sulk, sat down, and the frame broke. It trapped my ankle, which is now swollen and black-blue.

I lay there sobbing and cursing, blaming them, blaming myself, feeling so EMPTY. We made it downstairs, I hugged them all and we made up. That lasted about another hour.

Since then, the baby has pretty much cried and not been able to feed because her nose is stuffy. Morgan has been upstairs and run enough water to flood the sink and it's still dripping into the kitchen now. Jenna has moved my phone charger so I can't find out what time we're meant to be going out later. And I tore my favorite skirt.

It can't very well get *worse*. I think I'm off to rescue remedy us all at the very least. Sometimes parenting is the hardest thing in the world, and there is no reward in the here and now, and all I want is to be able to lie to myself convincingly enough to forget that it's not just about me. But I can't.

I can't forget that they are also people, and that they are having a pretty crappy day today too. I can't yell - or lock myself in the bathroom - for long. Somehow, we have to get on with it, when we least want to, when we least *feel* loving, when we most want to run away and forget it all. So, here I go. Wish me luck.

10 comments:

  1. *hugs* It's taken me 2 hours to get everyone fed, dressed, wrapped up and out of the door this morning. Not for any particular reason other than we were just being slow. If it's any consolation my day started at 5-45am this morning. H x

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  2. Oh my I hear you syster, sending peaceful blessings your way xx

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  3. oh yes here too, reu decorated our sofa with choc milkshake this morning and refused to go out unless he was wearing his snow white dress, a cuppa is in order x hug x

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  4. Sending you strength vibes... not having a good day here either, nothing major just both LOs seem to want to have a screaming day and to a mama who seems to spend each and every night feeding its getting a bit too much to deal with in cool and calm ways...time for chocolate!

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  5. We had a day like that yesterday. It was supposed to be a relaxing family holiday but Ingrid didn't like that all Daddy wanted was to watch football. Mama was up all night with moving fetus, so she was crabby, we all yelled at each other and it was a mess by 8am...Tried turning it around but yep, only worked for an hour at a time, then someone would be crabby again. Sigh, big hugs, hope you all feel better soon!!!

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  6. Hope your day got better! You really are a wonderful mama, and i hope your ankle isn't hurting too badly xx

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  7. I have days like that too. My solution is to leave them to it for 5 mins and go and stroke the cat. If it's *really* bad I put on CBeebies, grab my Ipod and stroke the cat while listening to music to drown them out! Even just a few minutes break makes me slightly less inclined to snap. If all else fails we ring the grandparents up as the girls love to talk to them.

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  8. Hope you have had a peaceful end to the day. Pip also went through a phase of sleeping and then not and now for the time being she is!!

    Sometimes it just helps to get it all out I often find it quite cathartic! It also cuts down my chances of continuous grouchiness with the kids or my other half!

    On a different note we've moved blog site to:

    http://graceintheordinary.blogspot.com

    The opening post should give you a clue to the reason for the move!

    Big Cyber Hugs San x

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  9. My day did get MUCH better! San, let me know if you want your comment removing so that your blog stays private. (hugs)

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  10. No need to remove comment my user name should be a big enough smoke screen

    Enjoy the snow we only have a smattering here, Benedict is envious he said we should move to Derby!!!

    San x

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