Nope, not a post about how I overcome One Of Those Days - I'm still in the middle of it here - but hey if I can be honest about that I'm telling myself that I *can* sort it out... Let's start at the beginning.
My day started at 2am. Now that might have been a normal expectation a few months ago, but damn it all if my expectations keep getting messed with. Rowan slept a really decent full night for a couple of months. I felt GREAT! Then she went onto an interesting variation - one week on, one week off. Then she got ill and did over two weeks in a row of Not Sleeping At All. So, today, my day started at 2am.
By 7am everyone was awake, and loud. Then Morgan deliberately stood on Jenna's bed to pee (I mean WHYYY?!) and pulled the lamp shade so that it broke. I lost my temper, stormed back to my bed to sulk, sat down, and the frame broke. It trapped my ankle, which is now swollen and black-blue.
I lay there sobbing and cursing, blaming them, blaming myself, feeling so EMPTY. We made it downstairs, I hugged them all and we made up. That lasted about another hour.
Since then, the baby has pretty much cried and not been able to feed because her nose is stuffy. Morgan has been upstairs and run enough water to flood the sink and it's still dripping into the kitchen now. Jenna has moved my phone charger so I can't find out what time we're meant to be going out later. And I tore my favorite skirt.
It can't very well get *worse*. I think I'm off to rescue remedy us all at the very least. Sometimes parenting is the hardest thing in the world, and there is no reward in the here and now, and all I want is to be able to lie to myself convincingly enough to forget that it's not just about me. But I can't.
I can't forget that they are also people, and that they are having a pretty crappy day today too. I can't yell - or lock myself in the bathroom - for long. Somehow, we have to get on with it, when we least want to, when we least *feel* loving, when we most want to run away and forget it all. So, here I go. Wish me luck.