9 June 2012

Coming home, coming down

I'm wishing I was back in a field.

The camping things aren't even unpacked yet.  Either usual housework procrastination, or something more profound, I can't decide.  We lived so happily with so little, for that week, and this space feels cluttered and overwhelming.  I can't motivate myself to deal with it; the camping stuff, and all the rest.  I just can't feel at home, perhaps anywhere, right now.  I want my soul sisters back, with their tea and empathy, their loans of blankets, their putting-the-world-to-rights, their wild little children.
The girls have friends to stay this weekend.  Usually that means I barely see them, but something about being back in a small space rather than under the great wide sky is making us all fractious and we are constantly in each others' way.  The children seem louder than usual.  I seem less accepting of the noise and chaos.  I'm glad the friends are here, but I'm feeling a bit crowded when they don't all want to go off and play in the garden but clamour in the room I'm in, entertainment, food, drinks, can we do this, can we have that, turning the volume on their film up, til I want to scream "GO PLAY UPSTAIRS!"
Instead I try to coach "fun mum" out to join us and encourage them to come dye wool in the kitchen; I make play-dough, and popcorn (not in conjunction with play-dough).
I utilise a bit of child labour to get some of my yarn wound into neat cakes for my next projects.  I talk myself through baby steps, providing drinks with good grace, I can do this one next thing.  This is just what it is, and we'll feel settled again soon, or rather we'll go away again soon and distract ourselves from coming down for a bit longer.
Or perhaps I would simply rather be raising money to build a commune where we could do the return to reality together with tea and empathy and communal cooking and wide grey skies...

I feel, just, odd.  Today.  Drifting.  Routines out of the window, instead the tantalising glimpse of life in community.  Oh how I miss you, mamas.
I finish off a little bit of knitting, smile at my delicious baby, watch the caterpillars transform themselves, and eat popcorn.  Yuck - I forgot - I salted it for them.


  1. Ohhhh! I feel like I miss it too and I didn't even go! Sounds wonderful. If you ever camp near me please let me know an I shall dare myself to gather my crowd and try and join (unless this was a private get together in which case nervermind!). So good to read about your trip, sounds like just what you needed. My dh loathes camping, I don't know why (one bad experience in a crowded campsite many years ago I think) so I sort of have to do these things alone, but it's ok. Love the colour combos of your Coffee Bean! I am making another right now too, a soft green and dark blue, only it's a 12 month size. I am still not over this pattern since it's so easy and turns out so well. I have yet to make a pebble, don't know why, everyone online seems to have made about 6, so I should download that pattern and give it a whirl too. Any baby knits you especially have liked making?


  2. It was a Green Parent thing; you'd have been so welcome, I'm not sure how far Shrewsbury would be for you but that's where we were this time. :)

    I do like making Pebbles, and I'm about to make a Puerperium with lace for the bottom half. :D I dyed some pinky-yellowy-antiquey dk especially and I'm going to do feather-and-fan after the sleeve part.

    I still haven't made any Saartje's booties. They're on my list though. So many plans so little time!

  3. I miss you toooooo! And I so could have written this post myself!
    Ezra has been sleeping badly since we have come back so we are both exhausted. Having a doing nothing weekend in the garden and I have found myself in bed reading SARK and on pinterest staring at beautiful images of beaches and forests and land art and unfurling ferns. Longing, longing, longing. Feeling so acutely my need to be in nature, to have moments of solitude and also community and good company.
    I miss the feeling I had at camp, of my soul opening up, to the earth and to soul sisters. I sometimes am amazed at how different my actual life is to my dream life. lol. One day... one day, I tell myself, I will spread my wings and soar. xxx

    1. I get it, I totally get it. From time to time I think I'm feeling really satisfied with my life where and how it is, but there is always those two little missing elements: not enough wild space, and a lack of real soul connection with other women. (Though I know how lucky I am to have Emma!)

  4. Yup bit out of sorts here too, and another who hasn't unpacked, only got the stuff out of car on Friday, now sat in my tiny lounge with no room to get around. I'm looking forward to my next camping trip but do wish everyone else was gonna be there too. I'd love to do a longer camp next year, a few days just is not long enough!!

    1. Camping is not an easy holiday for me, but it was made so by you lovely lot! I hope we can make it later in the year.


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