I'm wishing I was back in a field.
The camping things aren't even unpacked yet. Either usual housework procrastination, or something more profound, I can't decide. We lived so happily with so little, for that week, and this space feels cluttered and overwhelming. I can't motivate myself to deal with it; the camping stuff, and all the rest. I just can't feel at home, perhaps anywhere, right now. I want my soul sisters back, with their tea and empathy, their loans of blankets, their putting-the-world-to-rights, their wild little children.
The girls have friends to stay this weekend. Usually that means I barely see them, but something about being back in a small space rather than under the great wide sky is making us all fractious and we are constantly in each others' way. The children seem louder than usual. I seem less accepting of the noise and chaos. I'm glad the friends are here, but I'm feeling a bit crowded when they don't all want to go off and play in the garden but clamour in the room I'm in, entertainment, food, drinks, can we do this, can we have that, turning the volume on their film up, til I want to scream "GO PLAY UPSTAIRS!"
Instead I try to coach "fun mum" out to join us and encourage them to come dye wool in the kitchen; I make play-dough, and popcorn (not in conjunction with play-dough).
I utilise a bit of child labour to get some of my yarn wound into neat cakes for my next projects. I talk myself through baby steps, providing drinks with good grace, I can do this one next thing. This is just what it is, and we'll feel settled again soon, or rather we'll go away again soon and distract ourselves from coming down for a bit longer.
Or perhaps I would simply rather be raising money to build a commune where we could do the return to reality together with tea and empathy and communal cooking and wide grey skies...
I feel, just, odd. Today. Drifting. Routines out of the window, instead the tantalising glimpse of life in community. Oh how I miss you, mamas.
I finish off a little bit of knitting, smile at my delicious baby, watch the caterpillars transform themselves, and eat popcorn. Yuck - I forgot - I salted it for them.