Yes, less than one full moon off being signed off for home birth. Two full moons off birthing, most likely. Maybe more, maybe less. Bump is still neat and tucked in, but has dropped down, there are shoulders sitting right at the front in the middle LOW down and making my hips click. Contractions are bugging me in the evenings. I am light headed to the point of fainting a lot of the time (chronically low blood sugar). I feel so happy to be at this point already, to have had such a relatively blissful pregnancy, and to be cradling this lovely bump right now.
I want to blog about pregnancy and joy and real earthy whole experiences: baby pushing my ribs, talking with it in the cold early morning, wrapping up warm and walking and walking in the Autumn leaves, how it always moves most for Jenna, and refuses utterly to kick Morgan or my mum... I want to journal about this baby and I, how easy and connected I feel, the sweet calm spirit this baby seems to project...
Instead this space could well become a journal of my current stress and anxiety, and how bone-achingly tired I am. Everything else, I could deal with, without this ticking clock of my body telling me how close I am to greeting yet another person who will need me. And I would feel totally prepared to give myself over to newborn-ness and mothering four, were it not for everything else. Can't my babymoon start now?!
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I remember when we met last year you telling me that, you spent long periods permanently hypo when pregnant with Rowan. No wonder you're bone achingly tired. Is Emma still living with you? Just having another adult around can be of such a help and distraction from the pain and worry.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you San xx
Oh, I understand. I ache for that blissful pregnancy but (as you know) I don't do pretty in pregnancy. I totally get the tired too. It's how I feel every day right now. I'm there with you - just a few months behind. Hang in there :)
ReplyDelete(hugs San and Luschka)
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