26 January 2008

Recipe for body contentment required

We're still really busy and really well. Happy and healthy and feeling very blessed to have each other. I'm finding that when I start to feel low about anything I get more impatient and whiney with the girls, so they react in kind and I can make the whole day go badly. If I'm in a sunny mood then little things don't get to me and we do fine, I can bypass little downswings in their moods and it's all fine. I can't be just a little bit low or a little bit high, it's all or nothing. I've been like that as long as I can remember.

Occasionally I start to think that I'm actually still depressed, but then I have the memories of how bad things were than and I know that really this is nothing. I dare not talk to anyone professional though, I'm so certain I'd either be told to stop wasting their time or I'd be informed that it's my lifestyle that's draining me and I should stop co-sleeping or breastfeeding or babywearing or something like that!

My body image seems to go up and down at the moment too. Some days the wobbly stomach bothers me, at other times I feel so beautiful and womanly and I love the marks my children have left on my skin, like tatoos of their names and stories. When I really feel like I'm ugly and awful there are two things that help.

Doing some yoga or dance makes me feel like I'm caring for myself, and it also gives me that sense of balance - awareness of my body, my position, the way I move through space and my time and place here on the earth. But the best medecine of all is other women, and their beauty. I can look at someone with the same statistics as me and think that they look slim and curvaceous and gorgeous. I can look at women twice my size with more saggy bits and more stretch marks and see how perfect they are. In turn I feel that bit more lucky to be a woman, that bit more content to be just the woman I am.

Failing all that, there is Green&Blacks. Don't let me try to convince you otherwise.

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