21 January 2014
In Which I Mostly Handle Things Badly
There are some days when it just seems impossible to get anything right. The children were so excited about the stargazing event at the weekend. And then each one of them in turn melted down over things like "all of the activities being babyish" and our stubborn refusal to "make the clouds go awaaayyy!" In the end, we had to go home early with three of my sweet little people crying (believe me, I did NOT feel much like they were "sweet" at the time).
Rowan has also been using her banshee wail when things aren't going how she'd like them to. This week, the scream has been brought out when I couldn't find her pink pony, when the popcorn wasn't cooking quickly enough, when she wanted Morgan to stop talking to her, when Daddy was at work and she wanted him, and several other occasions. It isn't exactly a rage-scream or a hurt-sad-scream, it's a pure "MAKE THIS HAPPEN NOW!" thing. Unfortunately for her, the universe doesn't bend itself to her will, and sometimes I feel more like slapping her than helping. :( High pitched noise rage. It hurts my ears, and sends me in to a panic. :( I think the best chance for me to keep parenting calmly is going to be earplugs, to be honest.
In the meantime, I'm trying to assume positive intent, and taking myself out of the room when the high-pitched shriek is happening.
Today there was a sibling row over, of all things, the fair sharing of eggs for sandwiches. I got stuck, and ended up backing myself in to a "what I say goes" corner. Over sandwiches. I mean, we're all fine, and didn't exactly fall out over it, but sometimes it's the simple little things that are the hardest to think clearly about. I'm not feeling terribly proud of my parenting skills right now.
There are times when parenting is just plain hard work. I'm doing well, in so many ways. In other ways I'm pretty much improvising, trying really hard, and mostly muddling through. There are days when I scream, and days when I cry, and days when mostly I just laugh at the overwhelming beautiful messy frustrating chaos.
If all I can do is keep breathing, and even remember to laugh at myself occasionally, we're probably doing OK, right?