Today this little one took another of those tiny steps away from us and out into the world. She has gone on holiday with grandma for a week, eight days without her family, and how hard it was to wave goodbye and give her all of my joy and none of my grieving.
She had a little cry this morning and clung around my neck whispering miserably how much she would miss me. But the excitement won out - of course it did - and she is going to have a wonderful time.
This child, whose love language leans heavily towards gifts, she is really easy to show affection to in a way that she can actually hear. And when that part of me that receives her asking for things as greed and uses words (inside my head) like "spoiled" and "entitled", well, I just have to be reminded that she is just as delighted with a love note or my remembering to pack her favourite snack or making a friendship bracelet for her or offering her a candle to light at bath time. (I also need to remind myself that if she often seeks concrete signs of affection, she is also generous to a fault and loves to make and give gifts. I can barely persuade her that she doesn't have to spent the whole of her income from her art work on things for friends and family.) If only I could always remember to put my energy into filling up her cup rather than judging and fighting to meet her needs how I *think* they should be met!
Yesterday I helped her to make a beautiful holiday journal to draw and write in while she's away. I let her loose on all of my stash of pretty papers and ephemera, and sent my best pens off with her too.
Spot those stickers made from pictures of her? I couldn't resist adding them to the hundred free business cards from Moo. Ohmygoodness I was so excited to get these. Silly-excited.
How quickly the years are going by... It astonishes me almost daily.
This week has been very very busy. I have had moments of feeling the fear of all the spinning plates coming crashing down. I have had, well, whole days, of feeling anxiety about the mess and chaos and not knowing what I'm doing. The cure, right now, seems to be riding it out and keeping moving until the whoosh of all the things I'm juggling drowns out the judge-y voices. ;)