22 January 2013

The Peacemaker

Do I speak in the voice of warfare; do my words kindle shame and hate?  Am I the sword, tearing and rending, or can I even wield the flaming arrow - able to distance myself from the burning hurt?  Are my words the drums for marching, pulling us apart or setting us against each other?

Do I build walls?  Retreat and hide behind calcified boundaries?  Are my words staking claims and setting up fences that will neither flex nor allow any gate?  Is my voice the wounded animal, protecting my pain by pushing you away?

I am the warrior, named to it from my birthing day.  I am the advocate, in the in between spaces, defending with strong voice.  How do I lay down my weapons and trust in that voice not to waver?  When will I speak peace, smother the flames, become the place of safety my life was prophesied to be?

There are days when I see the growth and the building of muscle-memory and soul-strength, and days when I realise how far I have to go. I will strive for love.  I will strive for words of kindness and gentleness and truth.   I will strive for peacemaking.

6 comments:

  1. This is so beautiful, you have made me stop and think. Thank-you

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    1. It wrote itself one day when I was angry, and realised that I was only making things worse with the girls by showing it in the ways I was!

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  2. Thought provoking Sarah, I find that justification is perhaps the biggest barrier to 'putting down the sword' Rightly or wrongly it seems in built to try and 'cover oneself'? I have a neighbour who yells at her kids from morning until night (from 7.30am to school time, then from 5pm until 11pm, even though they are both under 8 years), I often think 'I am not as bad as her' and that's awful of me to even go there. I don't know the answer but I hope if I keep the question in my mind I may get there in the end.
    V
    xxx

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    1. I feel that I have such a very fine line between raising my voice to advocate for right and defend my children, and raising my voice to hurt the "guilty" one - and I usually only notice that I've crossed that line when I'm already ranting. It's *hard*!

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  3. that gives me chills! words--can be so beautiful or painful. a good reminder for me. and I wonder too, where my kids get their sass from...

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    1. One step at a time, I hope I can do better. I was talking to hubby about wanting to get out of the rut of demanding and rudeness, and my biggest girl heard me and came over and hugged me and said, "Mama, I have so many more GOOD memories of you." *melt*

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Penny for your thoughts? :)