One of the things about pain that doesn't occur to me generally, in my young healthy body which is suddenly feeling old and neglected and uncomfortable, is that it isn't just pain. It gets under your skin, into your mind and heart, and it stops you sleeping. I cannot imagine living with the bleak fact of long term pain, and oh how I admire certain friends who live with worse than this day in day out and are still pleasant and positive. I don't know how you do it.
My goal for this year is health. I will take myself back to the doctor and get on the physio waiting list. I will walk more, start up the yoga habit again, buy clothes that fit, accept that I am beautiful just as I am, eat more vegetables, and learn to put my needs somewhere up the priority list. I don't make New Year's resolutions, but this week I am sharing my new hopes for myself in order that I have more people to nudge me and ask how it's going.
The dinosaurs are Talia's Christmas present from her two great-grandmas. I am totally in love with them, and so it she. What's not to love? Rainbow. Wool. Felt. DINOSAURS! ***squeeee***
And today, I nursed the baby to sleep, put Octonauts on, and made fairy wings. One pair in black for my children (a commission silk I ruined and then overdyed black) and one pair in rainbow which will be for the shop as soon as I get more elastic. :)
Our word for this year has been bouncing around in my head for a couple of weeks now.
My bigger ones sometimes speak to each other (and to us) with such scorn and rudeness. As usual, I got an answer I didn't really want to hear when I sat with that reality and asked myself, "Where does this behaviour come from - what is at the heart of it?" The heart of it is the fight to be taken seriously, to use words in a way that is powerful and gets what we want. Part of it is inbuilt, a drive that we can direct at best but not rid them of. Part of it is learned, because they hear disrespect far far more often than I would wish. Once again, I start with me. I want to improve my own boundary-keeping and control my tone: I want to speaking a way that is clear and assertive, not sarcastic and bitter.
Hold me accountable, friends.