4 January 2013

Rainbows, health, and hopes

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One of the things about pain that doesn't occur to me generally, in my young healthy body which is suddenly feeling old and neglected and uncomfortable, is that it isn't just pain.  It gets under your skin, into your mind and heart, and it stops you sleeping.  I cannot imagine living with the bleak fact of long term pain, and oh how I admire certain friends who live with worse than this day in day out and are still pleasant and positive.  I don't know how you do it.

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My goal for this year is health.  I will take myself back to the doctor and get on the physio waiting list.  I will walk more, start up the yoga habit again, buy clothes that fit, accept that I am beautiful just as I am, eat more vegetables, and learn to put my needs somewhere up the priority list.  I don't make New Year's resolutions, but this week I am sharing my new hopes for myself in order that I have more people to nudge me and ask how it's going.

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The dinosaurs are Talia's Christmas present from her two great-grandmas.  I am totally in love with them, and so it she.  What's not to love?  Rainbow.  Wool.  Felt.  DINOSAURS!  ***squeeee***

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And today, I nursed the baby to sleep, put Octonauts on, and made fairy wings.  One pair in black for my children (a commission silk I ruined and then overdyed black) and one pair in rainbow which will be for the shop as soon as I get more elastic.  :)
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Our word for this year has been bouncing around in my head for a couple of weeks now.

Respect.

My bigger ones sometimes speak to each other (and to us) with such scorn and rudeness.  As usual, I got an answer I didn't really want to hear when I sat with that reality and asked myself, "Where does this behaviour come from - what is at the heart of it?" The heart of it is the fight to be taken seriously, to use words in a way that is powerful and gets what we want.  Part of it is inbuilt, a drive that we can direct at best but not rid them of.  Part of it is learned, because they hear disrespect far far more often than I would wish.  Once again, I start with me.  I want to improve my own boundary-keeping and control my tone: I want to speaking a way that is clear and assertive, not sarcastic and bitter.

Hold me accountable, friends.

16 comments:

  1. I must/should/ought WILL unroll my yoga mat too - no more excuses! So lovely to see you on my blog followers, I am genuinely flattered. Is it possible for me to be a 'follower' here? I enjoy your written style, particularly when you are writing reflectively and pausing to allow little moments of the mundane to become infused with a deeper meaning. This is real living. I wish you a very healthy New Year.

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    1. Thank you, such lovely comments really make my day! :)

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  2. Ok - I've just figured out how to add your blog to my page.

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  3. Oh I soo hear you on the topic of respect- I know that sarcasm slips so easily out of my mouth when I am stressed and tired-and some days the relentless squawking....... And no wonder when I get it reflected back to me....

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    1. Hearing my own words and tone pass between my children is one of the most horrible things. I don't want to teach them these cruel and thoughtless ways of relating to people!! :S

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  4. Yes same here. Respect is a good word for this year in my house too. I'm also dealing with tone of voice and I have to acknowledge that is often mimicking how I speak to him sometimes.

    So yes, reminding myself to be respectful of Rye, if I want to be respected... and yes I am working on 2013 being much healthier for me and I hope to be pain free very soon!

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    1. Wishing health and wellness to you my darling, and healthy communication with your fab boy. <3

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  5. Hoping you find relief from the back pain soon Sarah, it is no fun at all.

    I love those felt dinosaurs!

    It always so lovely to visit your blog and see all the loveliness of your everyday lives
    Gina x x

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    1. The dinosaurs make me smile every time I am in this room. :D

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  6. I hope youl better soon Sarah. Love the dinosaurs! Sending our love xxx

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  7. Respect is a good word for here Too - Grace's tone has become so grating recently, and just today I heard in me what she is hearing. Loathing the "so-REE" we are getting so often, but aware that we must do it to each other - she must hear it somewhere :( Maybe we could all hold each other accountable...?

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    1. That sounds like an excellent idea!

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  8. Ahh sweet mama, yes, I am so with you on Respect :)
    I shall join you with trying to be respectful to my children, my husband and Myself. Hmm, Yoga is something I would really love to try, I must get myself a book/dvd and learn. Can you recomend a good one sarah?
    Love light happiness and respect :) xxx

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    1. The beginner book that I really finally clicked with is a plus-size course. :) I can't remember what else I've used, I had a pregnancy yoga book ages ago, and looked around on Youtube for stuff that was easy enough for me to follow! :)

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  9. Children model everything, don't they! More often than noot picking up my worst habits. Sigh. Respect is a biggie, and tone of voice. A constant work in progress :)
    I love your dino mobile!!!
    And, of course the fairy wings. Fairy wings are everyday wear round here :)

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Penny for your thoughts? :)