Needing a new groove, I started off yesterday determined to follow the children's example as much as possible and stay in the moment, try to shake off the overthinking and the dark mood that has been following me around. I needed to take my eyes of myself and what I'm doing/not doing. I can't say it was easy, or magically returned me to some kind of equilibrium, but I didn't spend the day crying or berating myself for being a terrible mother for any number of reasons (all of which I would laugh at myself for on a better day).
I spent the day reading to little people, making paper pirate hats for Rowan, playing endless finger rhyme games with Talia, journalling with Jenna, spotting bird tracks and making dinner with Morgan, cleaning kitchen cupboards, rearranging book cases, and planning Passover meals. And yes, we even enjoyed the frozen outdoors.
Today, I am not sinking back into despair. I am keeping my eyes on the blessings.