7 March 2013

Finding the words for pain

Knitting, reading, surviving, when life just seems to be throwing up one disaster after another, and pain becomes normal, and stress stops me from sleeping...

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I started feeling shaky as we walked to the library early in the week, just after the car failed its MOT so spectacularly we can't afford to repair it.  This bright jewel of happiness, this one picture, is pretty much all the evidence that I had of my week until a few moments ago.  I have been totally knocked out by illness and stress.  I was tripping over my feet trudging home yesterday from an emergency appointment, antibiotics in hand, feeling like the universe is actually trying to kill me.

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I feel whiny for "being negative" and fake for trying to find the beauty and light.  Words are coming so slowly, each one replaced, deleted, re-written.  I can't pour out everything without sharing things better not to say publicly.  I can't *not* pour out everything without feeling inauthentic.  I suppose all I can do is hold the space, and wait.

15 comments:

  1. "Pour" till your heart is content my lovely, you are very loved and held. You are human and feel every emotion we go through in this hard but beautiful life. I hear you xxx

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  2. Suffering with you in body, mind and spirit, sometimes it really is ok not to share everything and this does not mean you are less of a person for so doing.

    A prayer for you this day

    San xxx

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  3. Hugs Sarah, and did you read the first bit of my blog post yesterday? It was of a similar ilk
    http://our-happy-home-2013.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/stop-start.html

    This is the corner of a season I feel, curving away from winter but only just turning to spring, and for some reason I always struggle more when even the environment cant make up its mind what it is.

    I hope you get your head up this week honey.
    V
    xxx

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  4. I know this feeling all too well. And the utter hopelessness of it all. It does eventually get better, but when you're in that place of darkness it's so hard to remember that. I'm not sure if these words are helping as much as I would like them too.

    I love you so much and it burns me up that I can't be there in a physical sense and that there's nothing more
    I can do to help. But know that I love you dearly for reasons words can not express and that I am always here for you. It will pass. Love you.x

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    1. What a wonderful friendship you must have xxx

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  5. Sending you so much love Sarah. I hope your body begins to heal gently, very soon x

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  6. Wishing you love and a return to lighter days soon. Please know that the words of support you offer are appreciated beyond measure by so many people, those you 'know' and those you don't. Each and every one of those people wishes they could be as eloquent as you are, so they could hold you with words of comfort right now xx

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  7. It sounds like the kind of week for which the phrase "it never rains but it pours" was invented. Be gentle with yourself and I hope you begin to feel more as you would wish soon.

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  8. I hope your waiting is brief. You have so much to think about and take in. Pour until your heart is full of sunshine and you are healing. You are in my thoughts x

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  9. I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I hope you feel stronger soon xx

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  10. Lots of love and healing to you, sounds like a very hard pace to be in, such a lot of hugs from me xxxx

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  11. Love you Hun. Beginning of this year is proving to be a struggle for a lot of us. Staying positive is so hard :-(
    **hugs**

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  12. Sending you love and hugs - life seems to be so tough for so many people at the moment :( xxx

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  13. Love that Jenna wore her MamaPixie cloak to the library! Most awesome girl EVER!

    And glad you're feeling better now. x

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    1. She is a free spirit haha, they often all wear them out around town or to the park, people stop and compliment them all the time. :) I love that at nearly nine she's not too grown up to go out in fancy dress. :) I hope you're feeling better too! xx

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Penny for your thoughts? :)