Three weeks offline hasn't felt as long as I expected it to. The connection is still a bit dodgy so don't worry if I don't appear regularly for a while, but we do have a working laptop which is nice for me being able to type my random journalling at least - somehow I find that the words flow easier in a medium I can edit as I go and not think about spelling and spacing until later. Much as I love my large collection of paper journals and pretty pens. ;)
Thankyou for missing me! It's such an honour and blessing to feel you looking out for us when we're absent for a while, people calling and texting, worrying about me even, thankyou for caring. :) I have had another busy week since typing out that quick message on my mum's laptop last week.
Big news of the week, Martin's position HAS been made permanent, so although we are still earning literally a benefit-level income, we are that bit more secure financially. This is more of a relief than I expected.
Oh I'm going to be terrible when I get photographs sorted out. Talia is already changing, it goes so fast, etc, read lots of feeling strange and mourning just a little and fearing just a little for all of the future things we can't control or even know...
Here is a little picture of right now for you.
Talia is nursing again, and hiccuping at the same time. She had a long long snuggly feed twenty minutes ago, came off with wind, howled SO LOUDLY for a few minutes, and is now back on and almost rolling her eyes with happiness. I think she might be heading towards sleep about now. From here I can see Jenna standing at the window in a pink sundress and a winter scarf. She is writing in her purple journal, and just asked me to spell "angel" and "fantastic" for her. She is holding a pendant up, now, silver spinning in the light, and smiling at it; she has made the necklace as a gift for a friend.
Morgan is sitting in the middle of the floor with a broken mobile phone. She is silent and her back is to me, so I can't tell what she's doing with it. Now she has jumped to her feet and run upstairs. I can hear Rowan up there, talking to an imaginary friend in her bedroom. She has been asking for a DVD, but Martin is sitting here next to me cleaning the disk because it's a bit scratched (Despicable Me, a favourite!) and for once she has gone off to play rather than waiting impatiently shouting "encouragement" until the world is arranged to her satisfaction.
Morgan comes running in with a pair of ancient clip on earrings I have been trying to turn into a bracelet. She wants to know what they are. Talia unlatches and pees all over the nappy held under her. I miss almost every single pee at the moment, but that's OK too, she's happy and clean and dry, I'm happy and laid back and connected. And it's all good.
Martin brings me a cup of tea and scoops Tali up, holding her under her tummy, face down, her very favourite way to be held after a feed. All three of the others, from the sound of it, are playing together in their new bedroom, I hear a wardrobe door open and close and the sound of someone jumping off the bunkbed ladder. We're going to finish that room later, moving furniture around again til it all fits.
Jenna is singing. Loudly. I can't quite make out the words. It sounds like we're going to be treated (subjected) to another Show. Now I understand just why my own mother avoided these at all costs, it's SO HARD to be an audience (without commenting or correcting or any stupid adult interferance)!
And here we are, and here it is, moment by moment, this lovely peculiar life.
PS: I use Napier's Starflower on Rowan's skin, which works about as well as the steroid creams for us, but is very expensive! It stings terribly when her skin is very dry though, putting anything on her at all becomes a huge battle, and I stress about the dilemma of leaving her to scratch herself raw or fighting her to put moisturiser on it... I still have no answer on that one apart from feeling guilty with either answer!