Yeah still here, well, just about, and not online obviously. I don't know what it is about this time but I just hate being near a screen. It's hard to focus, too, I guess I'm dehydrated on and off and that doesn't help. Life is strange and up and down. Some days are ok apart from the sickness. Some days the sickness seems normal and everything else just feels like a distant dream.
Along with those other reasons, I have been away from internet spaces because I do enough whining in real life and it seems unreasonable to inflict the steady stream of complaints on a wider audience. :S
Last night in the bath Morgan was playing one of her favourite water games. She takes the wash cloth by one corner and swirls it around under the water, telling me it's a mermaid. Normally that's it. Swish swish, "look mummy, my mermaid is swimming in circles", swish, swirl. Last night she started story telling.
"My mermaid is making breakfast. She just went to the shops to get raisins and now she's making porridge with honey and raisins in it."
What will the mermaid do next?
"When she finishes her breakfast she's going to have circle time and then do some painting."
Morgan proceeded to make up an entire under-water circle time for her 'mermaid'. Obviously a certain Normal is heavily impressed upon my middle daughter. I'm torn between finding it sweet and feeling an undeniable sadness that none of those things are normal right now. Breakfast is bought cereal, and never served by me. Circle time has happened once this week, an old one, led by Jenna. I wasn't even in the room. As for painting. Well, they took the watercolours down the garden last week, and painted each other. That's the first time paints have been out in about two months. The old normal is on hold. What if we never get it back, or anything resembling it?
Ack, this is weighing heavy, weeks and weeks of barely keeping food down and being mostly alone in the house... Well, Martin lost his job last week, so I'm not alone in the house any more, and someone else can give the children a bit of time, but the stress on top of stress I could do without.
I'll make up for this huge long complaint with some pictures, soon, not least of the Green Parent meet which was such a wonderful respite from feeling alone and overly responsible for everything! I am, though, finally past the dates at which I lost Lael. These things need their due celebration. Perhaps any day there will also be those first recognisable movements to report, and I will finally start feeling pregnant rather than merely incapacitated...