I am so sick of being sick. If I had ever decided to attempt to go back down a dress size this would not be the way I went about it. My throat burns, I'm barely keeping down 200 calories a day, I'm tired and getting lightheaded all the time. I worry everyone who likes to tell me I have dark circles, I look skinny, am I eating properly, should I not give in and accept medication now?
With Jenna I tried the conventional treatments, and none of them helped. And then I read that they weren't recommended for before 12 weeks anyway because they haven't been adequately tested. And then I stopped trying to fix it.
When I called around yesterday to beg someone to take the children for a couple of hours I ended up not even feeling I could ask because everyone is so busy. My mum, who I did ask, said that I'm spoilt to have so much babysitting (presumably meaning the once a week in-laws while I WORK!). So I'm feeling very sorry for myself and very hard done to. There are a couple of friends and family that I dare not even tell how ill I am because their attitude is that I brought it on myself. ;)
I told my Dad yesterday that it's a really good job we aren't told in advance what we will have to handle. If he had known in advance that they'd be left running two households and his job would be going, maybe he wouldn't have married the woman he loves? If I'd have known in advance that I would be feeling like this, maybe I wouldn't be having a longed-for baby? It's surprising what you can live through. One day at a time.
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Oh sarah, I don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteBut we often do know in advance and still we try. I know the sicknes, the pain, the inability to walk for the final 4 months, and still I cried when my period arrived yesterday.
I know it's hard right now, and I know you don't want to hear that it's worth it, but in the end you know it is. And you will get through this, and you will meet your precious new child, and this will be forgotten....until next time.
All my love to you. If I were closer I would be there but that's impossible so I hope just my thoughts alone can be of just the tiniest help.
XX
So sorry you are feeling so rough, wish I lived nearer and could take you LOs out for the day and give you some rest.
ReplyDeleteOh poor you. One day at a time is probably the best way to go - I've always been pretty much the same as you describe when I've been pregnant and I know I couldn't go through that again so I think you're very brave. Hang on in there.
ReplyDeleteBabe, it sounds like you're perfectly entitled to a pity party - and even a smite of peevishness! I really am quite shocked at what you've written - if I lived anywhere near you my dear i wouldn't hesitate to help out.
ReplyDeleteAsk those friends you know aren't judgemental etc, you need to rest and have a break, especially with the sickness - true friends won't mind!
Sorry you get such negativity from people, gentle ((((HUGS)))) and hoping someone offers practical help soon rather than stating the obvious.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you last night Sarah - hope you're feeling a bit better today and the pity party is picking up :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd don't be worried about asking for help - afterall your friend's can say "no" if they really are too busy - on the other hand you might be suprised how happy they are to give you a helping hand once in a while. :-))
Have a good day hon.
Wondered how you were doing. Poor you - it's a horible thing to be going through. I won't patronise you with ideas yo've pobably already tried - just hope you feel a bit better each day.
ReplyDeleteJacqui (GP forum)
I just wanted you all to know that this is the first time I've come online in ages and I've just sat here and cried at your kindness. Please keep us in your prayers, things are still very tough but baby is getting good and fat and we've had some help this week (especially to feed ourselves lol, which is very appreciated).
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