Nearly two weeks neglected but some catch up posts

OK so basically. More being sick. More trying to do normal things with the children. Some nice days (though being sick the whole time). A weekend away for a friend's wedding. First appointment with midwife (who was so delighted to see me again she gave me a huge hug).

Rather than tell it all, I'll just show you. Though not the throwing up. ;)

"Niiice unk!"

It's been a while since I've written much down, still suffering with the constant sickness. Anyway I thought I'd better update since I left things hanging a little! Morgan did come back in the end. She went to sleep at mum's fine, but mum made too much noise putting up the baby gate and it woke her, at which point obviously she asked to come home. And slept the whole night in my arms.

A couple of days ago I had the startling realisation that I can no longer express even a tiny drop of milk. Morgan had a bit of a graze and I tried to express some onto the poorly, and couldn't! She still nurses, and hasn't commented, so there must still be some milk there... But not even one tiny drop to express. We're not far off the stage which Jenna weaned at, and it made me a bit nervous. But then Morgan came up for a little feed, kissed me, and said (with great satisfaction) "niiice unk". :)

In other news, I've taken Jenna to the ballet (Angelina Ballerina to be precise, not "serious" ballet but really quite sweet). And she has gone away for a couple of days, so I'm only neglecting one child right now.

Jenna speaks out (again) and Morgan gets really brave...

Today in town we had several more of "those" homeschool conversations - you know, the ones with total strangers who can't think of anything more to ask a tot than "shouldn't you be in school?" The first person, a lady on our bus, just got a little smile from Jenna and the gentle reply, "No, I'm homeschooled."

The second lady (in The Pier, as we were waiting for Morgan and my mum to return from an errand) got Jenna's full little explanation "I learn all the time and I don't need to go to school, I can have homeschool and stay with my mummy and play with my sister - I miss Morgan, when is she coming back?"
Lady: "Is she away?"
Me: "She only went in another shop, she'll be here soon."
Lady: "Is she a twin? She seems ever so close to her sister."
Jenna: "No, Morgan is only one. I'm four."
Lady (to me): "Four? Really? She's very articulate. It's obviously doing her good."
Jenna: "Can we go and look over here? [As we head out of hearing with the shop assistant looking on...] I like this rug, it has nice textures... This one is smooth, but this one is really rough. Oh! Shiny lamps!"

Anyhow, the plan is for Morgan to stay over with my mum tonight for the first time. Actually, I'm not expecting her to actually stay but she wanted to try. Jenna got over her upset in about thirty seconds - as long as it took for me to promise to make popcorn with her, her idea of a suitable consolation prize.

Another little pity party

I am so sick of being sick. If I had ever decided to attempt to go back down a dress size this would not be the way I went about it. My throat burns, I'm barely keeping down 200 calories a day, I'm tired and getting lightheaded all the time. I worry everyone who likes to tell me I have dark circles, I look skinny, am I eating properly, should I not give in and accept medication now?

With Jenna I tried the conventional treatments, and none of them helped. And then I read that they weren't recommended for before 12 weeks anyway because they haven't been adequately tested. And then I stopped trying to fix it.

When I called around yesterday to beg someone to take the children for a couple of hours I ended up not even feeling I could ask because everyone is so busy. My mum, who I did ask, said that I'm spoilt to have so much babysitting (presumably meaning the once a week in-laws while I WORK!). So I'm feeling very sorry for myself and very hard done to. There are a couple of friends and family that I dare not even tell how ill I am because their attitude is that I brought it on myself. ;)

I told my Dad yesterday that it's a really good job we aren't told in advance what we will have to handle. If he had known in advance that they'd be left running two households and his job would be going, maybe he wouldn't have married the woman he loves? If I'd have known in advance that I would be feeling like this, maybe I wouldn't be having a longed-for baby? It's surprising what you can live through. One day at a time.

Back! Sort of...

There comes a point at which I have to stop procrastinating and pick up my life where I left off - at least as far as I can. I admit, mostly I've been hiding out. But I've also gradually got more and more sick over the week away until now (10 weeks gestation) there's no denying we're back to full hyperemesis, throwing up at the sight (or smell) of most food, and living mostly off lemonade and ice chips.

Martin is being a star. He has left three pre-cooked meals in the fridge for me, so that I can eat something without having to think about it first, and snacks, so that I can try to maintain what I ought to be doing (ie two bites every two hours). The children are fending for themselves. I think that's why I'm not worried about adding another to our family, even rubbish pregnancy notwithstanding, because going from one to two was so HARD sometimes.

Jenna was so little, and I had to keep providing food and drinks and other things for which I had to get up - no matter how sick, no matter how tired, no matter how much I needed to nurse the newborn. This time around, Jenna can fetch drinks and snacks and help take care of Morgan, although I worry sometimes about letting her pick up the burden of daily tasks like that.

Fair or not, at least when I can hardly shift from the bathroom floor I don't have to at the same time hear my toddler crying her eyes out for milk (or a sandwich, or a hug). They meet each others needs so beautifully, and without me asking them to take anything on. According to my grandmother, the girls have an unhealthy dependancy on each other. Because they cry when separated. I don't understand that one, not at all, because why shouldn't they prefer to be together? They don't ALWAYS, and they won't FOREVER. ;)

Anyhow, I promise I will copy up all the stuff I wrote when away, and all of the lovely pictures we took, and start posting around the place again. Maybe tomorrow. For now, I am getting dizzy again and am off to lie down and maybe eat something. Although the thought makes me go green again...