Yesterday Jenna traumatised me by having an asthma attack on the bus. We were in a hurry and I packed the inhalor (with us all the time now as the season to be poorly is upon us) but walked too fast to get to the stop. She was a bit puffed but OK when we got on, but then she had to sit a few seats away from me as it was packed and I could hear her coughing her guts up. She started to wheeze but there were people standing between us now and stupid as it sounds I didn't want to ask them to move, I just called to her to breathe slowly and stay calm...
I don't know how we got through it, it was like a bad dream. When we pushed our way out of there she was still calm and just asked for her "breather". And it was over, and I have never been so scared for her or felt so helpless. Ten minutes later she coughed until she threw up, and we went straight home figuring that it wasn't worth being out in the bitter cold any more even for the sake of getting to swimming.
Morgan is still playing the on and off nursing game. I'm a bit worried she might be weaning or that something might be up with my milk supply. I can't figure it out; she wants to feed but as soon as I put her on she messes about and comes off again. Maybe I'm just being paranoid - this is after all the first time I've just gone with the flow completely. We're sleeping four in a bed too, down to the cough and cold thing, which isn't helping her night feeds! It's a bit squashed and I'm glad for the extra space from the cot. I've been thinking about going to mattresses on the floor but it seems like hassle taking the bed down.
I am definately calmer with Jenna right now, my no shouting plan is mostly based on trying to stop being a child and arguing back at her! I also need to let her own her own feelings a bit more and stop telling her not to feel a certain way. I don't want my no whining rule to turn into, "I don't care if you're unhappy" because I do care... My mantra today has been, "tell me with words" followed by, "I hear you"! I wish Martin would hold me to this though, because he really enables the yelling sometimes. And he seems to come home so very tired.