As we sat down for lunch I spotted Rowan pilfering a little uht milk packet and had an impressive (but quiet) mama tantrum in the restaurant. I feel like I'm jogging uphill speaking politely to these little people some days. It's not fun. I want better for them than me on a bad day. If only I could banish every impatient, cross, or miserable day!
Little mournful too-tired-to-walk one year old in the taxi on the way home: "Mama, nuk, peeeesh?" The talking, already. Heart, full.
I made a nice big sale this week, and did food shopping for fun things again. The things my children choose when their choices are unlimited really make me laugh. Who wants chocolate, crisps? No, stir fry and avocado are the requested treats!
I finished spinning some really pretty lilac yarn. Excited to ply it. The small things are the things that keep me moving.
Rowan: "Mumma there's a little Mister Spider in the house. Oh, he likes me. That's a problem. Now I can't catch him, he's on my arm!"
Jenna: "I'll get it... Right, let's relocate YOU into the garden before she squashes you by accident..."
Reaching for the light, again.
You do an amazing job and to faithfully document every moment is heroic. I have been quietly drowning for weeks, hence my not blogging, i cannot face seeing it all in black and white.
ReplyDeleteLove as always to you dear soul.
San xxx
Some of the bad moments and some of the good ones get skated over, I think heroic would possibly be quoting what I actually said to the poor little miscreant in question. *no mama brownie points there!*
Delete(huuugs) I know what you mean. When it all feels like too much, writing it down it feels like I'm just going to pour out bile and never stop. Blogging forces me to notice the moments of light and the things that are *worth* documenting. I guess long term readers know when I'm struggling when it's all pictures, not many words!
This too shall pass, this too shall pass. Praying for you. Whatever it is, it's hard and horrible, but it's not too big. xxx
Hiya Lovely,
ReplyDeleteThe truth is though, if you were the model of absolute serenity 24/7 you would be making your children ill prepared for the reality of life. I had a fairly easy going childhood and I am constantly 'shocked' by people's bad behavior.
Like everything else they are learning from the 'down' days and how to get through them the best they/you can.
My Mum has told us she was sad for most of our early childhood because she lost her parents, but she tried unsuccessfully to hide it. She said that we all knew she was unhappy a lot of the time but because she wasn't honest, we never knew why. I think its ok to show our feelings as long as they are explained in a manner suitable for the age of the children.
The fact that you question yourself is good in itself, its amazing how many parents pretend to themselves everything is *fine*
Love
V
xxx
Aw thank you. I know, I know, that my children don't need perfect-serene me. But at the same time, I wish they didn't have to put up with depressed me (especially since the last month or so I feel like I'm swinging back and forth so wildly). :(
DeleteOh those days are pants. For me they come out of nowhere, bam, I am shouty, crabby, hate and loathe myself. Then I look at the children and think why did I just do that? The days do pass but are crap at the time and like you I can't wait for them to be over. I hope your up days return soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks, me too!
DeleteYour blog is amazing!!! your daughter are looking very beautiful in picture.
ReplyDeleteRegards,
Pregnancy Massage Kelowna
I have these days too often, too, really know how you feel, there are so many pressures though, lots of little stresses, we would have to be super human not to have those bad days sometimes.
ReplyDeleteGina x x x