This afternoon I had my first sensation of ARGH THERE ARE THREE OF THEM!! Thankfully it has passed quickly, but nevertheless... Another day with some thoughts that I don't like to put out there, but feel dishonest pretending don't exist... So here is our afternoon in technicolour.
Rowan was out of the sling, sticky-hot and thirsty. There was nowhere to sit to nurse her and she was starting to make those fretful kitten noises that were going to turn into crying at any moment. Martin had popped back into a shop to grab that last forgotten item of shopping, and so I was alone with three for the first time.
Then Morgan made a break for the top of the escalators, and I grabbed her literally at that last second before she tried to get down the up stairs (visions of her going headlong). Rowan started to howl. (Have I mentioned that this baby has no middle-key? She's either OK or hysterical, there is no initial testing cry apart from the grunty kitteny sound!) Then Jenna, skipping around in circles, ran into a guy holding a cup of coffee.
There's me. Hips agonising after a couple of hours errand-running, after hubby not wanting me to tag along was overruled by me wanting to be back to normal. Leaking milk because Rowan is hysterical and has been asleep for three hours. Feeling exhausted and with that post-adrenalin dip after rescuing Morgan from experimentation with moving stairs. Holding a screaming baby in one arm, and with the other hand, gripping a shrieking twisting octopus-toddler by the wrist. I shout, "Jenna STOP!" She collides with man's ankles anyway. He lifts his drink clear and avoids scalding her (or himself), darts a black look at me and tuts, and walks on. Jenna hides behind a plant pot because I raised my voice.
I cried all the way home. With Jenna sitting besides me saying, "You know you are a really good mummy, it's OK, we're all OK..." :(
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oh dear, sorry you had a bad time but with the best will in the world there will always be days like this and don't forget your hormone levels are all over the shop at the moment, you did the right thing by going after Jenna she may have hurt herself, it's just one of those things its still early days don't forget xxx
ReplyDeleteSending light and peace to you across the miles Sarah.
ReplyDeleteI really know how those difficult moments seem huge in the early days..and the tiredness... honestly rest, rest, rest as much as you can. It is nearly 9 months since Willow was born and it really is only now that I am starting to feel revitalsied. Your body needs much longer to recover third time around. Go easy on yourself and take every opportunity to rest with your precious new babe.
btw: Did you get the little parcel I sent? Hope it arrived safely :)
Love & light Gina xxx
What a wise little girl jenna is, yes you really are a good mummy :)
ReplyDeletexx
(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYou're doing really well Sarah. My first time alone with 2 was very similar, can't imagine doing it with 3.
Love Sophie (littlewoman)
She's right, you know. Your eldest is a very wise girl! It's ok, because you were all ok. Maybe not perfect, but ok, and that's enough.
ReplyDeleteI remember my dad saying when we were kids: "'just' is just good enough."
Broken Man's Wife
I had so many days like this in the early days of having three. Still have them actually! Just wanted to say congratulations on the birth of your brand new little one. Beautiful family pictures too :)
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to send you a huge *hug*. Hope you are feeling more positive now. Be gentle with yourself.
ReplyDeleteUma x
Ps-did the package arrive that I sent?