And this shopping bag, to play with the embroidery stitches on the new machine...
But, complaint for the day: The Toddler Who Will Not Be Wet.
Morgan HATES being damp. With nappies, this is great - it means even the less efficient covers don't leak, it means she takes herself to the toilet fairly often, it means less changing and less reminding and so on. With SNOW this is an almightly nuisance! I've run out of coats and gloves.
I dress them warmly. They play, they have a whale of a time.
After about two minutes, in comes Morgan, wanting her coat off and fresh gloves and new socks and more outdoor gear. Then she goes and gets the next lot damp. And cries for a change again. Etc! We have good outdoor gear, lots of pairs of gloves, and tough waterproof coats, but Morgan can't stand any damp at all. And more screaming, and more headaches, and more feeling stressed out.
To be really honest, I am starting to wonder if the medication is out of my system and if I can cope without it. The last week has felt increasingly overwhelming again, and that's why I'm hiding in craft projects and letting the children pretty much run riot. Not that a bit of running riot isn't a good thing ;) but it's starting to feel just a sneaky tiny bit like neglect... Like I'm trying to avoid parenting because I hate feeling cross with them all the time and losing it over a lot of nothing much...
I want to do the right thing for bump. But what if I can't parent Jenna and Morgan without the anti-depressants?
Mmm. Could it be your fear of not being able to cope that is actually overwhelming you?
ReplyDeleteAnd perhaps looking and considering what it would mean if you do need the antidepressants - I dont' know if you are.. but I wonder if maybe you're hiding from that fear.. where perhaps if you face it and find some measures that you can put in place should it become a necessity, it wouldn't feel so horrible for you and perhaps you can relax a bit and not worry so?
**hugs**
Joxy.
I stopped taking my antidepressants last Sept as I just wanted to feel in control again, to know how I felt rather than just numbing everything. It is taking me a long time to get to a place where I feel at peace. I know that it feels like you letting them run riot/ bordering on neglecting your parenting but then isn't that kind of autonomy? Letting them choose and make their own decisions...i know yours are younger than mine, but as long as you are there doing the providing/being the facilitator then it is NOT neglect but giving you all your space to be happy. You need time to adjust to the mental state that you are in, and isn't it far better to all live side by side happily and for them to see you creating beautiful things than for you to be continually at them being cross mummy? Give yourself time and space. They all need you to be relaxed and content xx Take care of yourself and then you can take care of others...says she!!
ReplyDeleteHugs Sarah, thinking of you
ReplyDeleteGina xxxx