No, nothing is actually wrong, I'm just so TIRED and GRUMPY. I don't know why, I just wish it wasn't so easy to take it out on the children by becoming a snappy and horrible person any time they do anything remotely inconvenient to me (eg walk too far in front OR dawdle behind as we walk). I'm nagging. And I really want to stop.
This is my advice to anyone currently feeling the same; try really hard to take deep breaths and count to twenty before saying anything, and use that time to actually rehearse a way to say "I am not in a happy mood, it is not your fault, but you need to help me!" Admittedly it doesn't seem to be working very well, and it probably won't work at all if you have tinier tinies than mine. But ah well. I'm trying. And if anyone has anything better, please share!
Sometimes... Sometimes I just don't want to try any more. You know? Sometimes I know what is right and good and whole, what I should do, what I WANT to do, and it just seems like too much damn effort. I just want to throw all of my toys out of the proverbial pram, be really unpleasant, anything that will make me feel like whatever private unhappiness I am going through will be spread as far as possible. Childish? Yes. But that's the way it is sometimes.
Sometimes... Sometimes it doesn't even take anything to set it off. Call it hormones, whatever. I have tried telling myself to snap out of it by the way. ;)
Back to breathing and counting and trying to rehearse what I want to say so it doesn't revert to "go away and leave me alone just for ONE MINUTE will you??!"
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(Hugs) Sorry you're feeling so rotten. I get days like that too. LSW says you wrote her a lovely post about a comfort corner - maybe you should make one for you and curl up in it for while... ;)
ReplyDeleteThe Broken Man
I can relate to that. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you rationalise it, how much you shout and cry and write it down, the feelings are still there. Sometimes the rationalising even makes it worse because you think you ought to be strong enough to fix it. At any rate, hope you're feeling better soon and in the meantime I'm sure your children don't mind :)
ReplyDeletePS: sorry for the random comment, hope you don't mind!
I have my own personal comfort corner. It's called the bathroom lol, and it is the only room in the house with a lockable door. The benefits of having children still small enough to go away and use the potty instead of banging on the door...
ReplyDeleteAnyhows, replied again Re: comfort corners, and I'm glad it was useful stuff. Please tell her also that the lovely ladies on www.gentlechristianmothers.com have lots more information. Have to be wary about posting links to "rival forums". ;)
hi, just wanted to say, you are so not on your own feeling like this and I have absoloutly no excuse whatsoever...well exept having 4 stroppy teenagers and a very energetic 2 year old monkey lol
ReplyDeletesending big hugs and peace :)
sue xxx
I totally understand that feeling!
ReplyDeleteVery recently, my youngest (she's 15) had done something that I knew I needed to address. She's my third, so I knew how to address it, and I even knew how she was likely to respond...
AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO. Because it was going to be hard. And tedious. And conflictual.
I did it, of course. But, ugh.
One strategy I have is what I call "going zen". I take that same deep breath, and after that, I try to pull myself out of the situation emotionally. When I'm successful -- and I'm getting better with practice! -- I can sort of watch the chaos from the outside. I see it, but I'm not in it, if that makes any sense...
Or maybe all that's happening, really, is that I'm going catatonic...
:-)