Snuggly Saturday photos

Tent-building, song-singing, story-reading and huggles.
Nursing and more huggles...

A whole day of family huggles!

Good Friday

Well for those who didn't already catch up on the Morgan situation she's all OK and didn't need any stitches (I'm so glad I put it off until this morning, because it was even to my untrained eye knitting together better when she got up). Still, being poked by more people wearing gloves has sent her into a comfort-nursing snuggly tired phase. Which is all good because the nursing is definately bringing on some strong pre-labour!

A walk, some time playing on the park in the cold mid-morning still all silvery with dew, and after lunch even a swim too courtesy of my mum, has totally spent even Jenna's massive amount of energy today. So they both went to bed very early, after lighting the candle in our Easter garden and wrapping a little wax caterpillar to put in the "tomb".
DH laughs at me for being so excited about re-decorating the table for Easter breakfast; I have a little box of goodies hidden away all ready. I'll admit it quite openly though, I love the anticipation of the changing calender of festivals and planning all these small surprises through our year... There's something magical about it, every time the same but different, every year more questions and more joy in celebrating together. I can't *quite* say I enjoy it more than the children, because the joy of it for me lies at least partly in seeing their faces every time...

Smiles from the day of constant up-and-down blogging

A parcel of gorgeous seasonal crafts from a wonderful GP mama, thankyou so much - I am totally overwhelmed! The girls love their bracelets so much, there was instant agreement on which was for whom, and they haven't taken them off all afternoon including during the stressful hospital trip (where they got several compliments from staff)!
And a selection of eggs by the talented Joxy. I adore them! And the clay mama is now cradling her little wax baby. I wonder how long now until I will be cradling the real thing?
Eggs painted for our Seder table by rolling the still-hot shells in grated crayon after hard boiling. The girls got covered in warm wax doing this yesterday but had so much fun with it. And the eggs looked so pretty - though it didn't take them long at all to be eaten!
Mr Tickle, by Jenna.
Last but not least, another bundle of baby things, treats, books, and a beautiful Easter card from Gina and family. Not all pictured as they were quickly run away with by eager little hands!

And now I NEED chocolate...

Morgan cut her mouth open on a bit of glass and we've just got back from the hospital. (We have hanging pots in the garden for candles and she swung one so it hit the stake and broke, which would have been fine only in spite of my instruction - "leave it!!" - she tried to bring it to me and, typical absent-minded toddler, put it in her mouth as she was carrying it otherwise so very carefully!) It bled a bit but didn't seem too deep, only I could tell it might not heal very well being right in the corner of her mouth. I was right to dither, because so did everyone at the hospital. Apparently it really is a borderline case.

We could leave it and it might be fine. We could leave it and it might scar. We could leave it and it might not heal properly, leaving a big scar and putting her at risk of infection for months to come. We could stitch it but she would have to have general anasthetic. The two doctors we saw disagreed with each other about the best way to deal with it, and unfortunately for my usual leave-it-and-see aproach, the one who wanted to admit her right away was the facial specialist.

Otherwise, this is a remarkably rant-free entry for saying I've just been in the hospital talking to medical professionals for over an hour! Both doctors, and several nurses, were totally respectful of our decisions and didn't try to push us to accept their recommendations. We had nothing but positivity about her breastfeeding. And no mention of tetanus except to say that she wouldn't need a shot because it would get plenty of air. They didn't even ask if she had had the vaccine in the first place actually.

Really, the worst thing about having this decision to make isn't just that there isn't a right answer, it's the timing. The plan is to take her back in before breakfast, because the doctors did agree that if it was going to heal OK it would have started to come together by morning. But of course there is the possibility of a certain little due-now baby arriving overnight, or worse still in the morning, and I just couldn't be separated from Morgan if she does have to go under. :(
What to do? Hope she heals overnight, is all. And eat that cheesecake.

I burnt the second lot of chocolate

...but had the foresight as the pregnant-disaster-area-mama to buy double quantities just in case my mind wandered again... The chocolate cheescake looks gorgeous, but we didn't get to eat any yet (there was too much else to eat and our expected guests couldn't escape on time to join us for our Seder meal). I'm still hoping that it will get to be a birthday cake - but if not I'm SURE it will still make me smile.

Last night was wonderful. About halfway through, Jenna suddenly declared, "Hey, we did this story before!" And she said the blessing at the end of the Seder for us, with prompting from Daddy; she tells me that next year she will be able to do some of the long readings for us. So many questions she had too, what does this mean, why did that happen, in just this short year her understanding and curiosity... she has grown so much! It sometimes takes a way-marker like this feast to show me.

Too uncomfortable to sleep though and having contractions this morning. But no, I don't think anything is happening just yet apart from that the baby is doing its best to outstay its welcome. I am not rising to the bait. If it stays in there til Saturday then daddy will get an extra two days of holiday that work would otherwise be trying to con him out of. *grins*

This morning for some reason Morgan has decided to walk around the whole house finding twos of things. It started this morning while she was nursing - she let go, looked puzzled at me, pointed to my face and said, "mummy TWO eyes", more confused looks, "ME two eyes, too!" Now we have, "look... two daddy socks... look... two... beebirds (ladybirds)... TWO pens (pennies)... two... draws (crayons)... two books!"

Just have a feeling...

... about the full moon and labour starting in time to disrupt our Passover preparations...

I've never thought of myself as superstitious - so maybe it's simply wishful thinking! Anyhow, I'm currently halfway through making chocolate cheesecake (singed one lot of chocolate already and need to go get more *sigh*), and obviously enjoying the major cooking-and-cleaning drama (well, call it an odd combination of nesting and spring-cleaning and religious observance)...

Really hoping the next you hear from me will be that my waters have broken rather than that I've burnt a second lot of chocolate!

Space in the chaos

A typically Jenna moment, utter concentration as she inspects the catkins on our contorted willow.
The contents of Morgan's pockets after a walk to my Dad's house. Two pence, pebbles, a hair clip, a crayon, a button, and a knitted strawberry! Well, why not?
The living room in standard mid-afternoon chaos.
Projects-in-progress of the moment, felt birthday crowns for two little girls.

So many things I could be writing about...

I could be writing about my beautiful precious big girl, how amazing it was yesterday to watch her deal with a really difficult social situation with sensitivity and grace. How confident and strong she is and how giving and forgiving. How honoured I am to see her grow like this, and how blessed we are to have the freedom and trust to let her pick her way day by day. I could write all of that, with all of those daily little illustrations that remind me how REAL and present it all is.

I could be writing about the unmitigated exhuberant joy of my crazy lively Two. How funny her new chattering ramblings are and how terribly she teases us all by talking completely at cross-purposes to the conversation at hand. How strange it is when one day you just wake up and see a baby as a child and realise how little they now express those more intense attachment needs they used to have. How quickly it goes, and makes way for something like the sweetest most intense friendship. I could write about her for hours, too.

I could be writing about the last couple of days of difficult counter-culture conversations with all kinds of people - conversations that made my head hurt, made me laugh out loud, made me think, made me question, and made me feel like an alien in this world in so many ways. How strange it is to have found such a calm place after such a struggle; how fragile this peace seems as though it might be broken or solidified by the presence of another new person, how good and how hard the waiting is. The pleasures of this strange people-centred life, and the chaos of it. I could write about being different and yet finding a happy New Normal where we can rest and BE.

I could write about finding space for myself, the crafting that is going on around here, the beautiful things that have been made and re-made for the blessing of three small children in such a TINY repayment for the joy they are bringing me. I could write about work that doesn't feel like work, or about those times when it really DOES feel like work, and all the bits in between where I actually seem to escape and let them parent themselves altogether - restoring my balance in an hour of constructing a beautiful something out of raw materials. I could write plenty about crafting, I'm sure.

But what I really want to say, for today, for myself, for the record... Is just that sometimes there is a moment of clarity when it all, even the impossible and messy bits, seems Right. This, here, is where I'm meant to be.

Yet another quick note

Children's party and long walk mitigated by arrival of wonderful best friend who helped me get the children ready, held little hands on the walk, provided moral support when mama feeling achey and fed up, and shared LARGE slice of chocolate cake and big bowl of nachos.

More friends came for tea and brought ice-cream with them. Children so exhausted by party the protests over bedtime didn't come! Played board games until nearly midnight (as demonstrated by the time of this post). Thank goodness for friends and all the wonderful and inventive ways they support the lumpy grumpy exhausted pregnant mama and her family!

Just a quick note to say I'm still here!

Oh yes indeed. Which means that I have to go to a party tomorrow that I really don't want to go to and Martin has to go back to work. Unless baby decides to arrive tonight (please baby?)...

Another quiet day

Another day with children gone for part of it, that is. And of course definately still all quiet on the new-arrival front.

I've done washing (oh the joy of nappies on the line in the sunshine!) and generally pottered. Finished reading Homemaking as a Social Art and The Creative Family (highly recommend the latter by the way, what a lovely book - even if the projects are ones I've seen before they've certainly re-inspired and refreshed me). Decorated the table as I know I won't get time tomorrow.
It's our five year wedding anniversary tomorrow. I can't believe how fast those few years have flown by. I'm not going to force you to read a paragraph of me being totally soppy, but... Every day with him is a blessing. Even those days when I have a whole essay of complaints about him. ;)

I made the little felt flowers for the table, as the cloth was just a bit too yellow on its own. Instant satisfaction project, though I bet they are shortly removed for play by a certain pink-obsessed four year old.

This past couple of days has felt like taking a big deep breath in, a pause and a renewing, on the cusp of something new.

Labour beads!

I finished stringing these today. Aren't they beautiful? :) Warm thanks to all the women whose love and prayers are symbolised here, and all of those whose warm wishes are with us in so many other ways.

What a beautiful day...

I sat in the garden with a book this morning, almost all morning, in perfect peace and glorious sunshine. The children went to their grandparents before lunchtime and I didn't have to do another thing all day. Not that I actually *did* rest all day, of course, too fidgetty. I made up those other slings I had waiting and did a minimal bit of tidying up, and then judged my day pretty much complete at that.
And when Martin got home, and Morgan reappeared (not yet wanting to stay over with grandparents and seemingly quite happy to have some time without Jenna for once), we decided to go for a walk. The park was dark, and quiet, and we had a blissful evening.
I even did some random spur-of-the-moment nature crafting and wove Morgan this willow crown. :)
Every few steps she had to stop and point up at the sky to declare, "MOON!! Moon THERE!" She also had her first taste of young hawthorn leaves (we love hedgerow foods!) and was transfixed by the swans on the silvery moonlit lake. She's talking so much, whole comprehensible minutes of sweet chatter. Her new words and phrases make me laugh so much though, especially when she does her perfect toddler confused
tone.
We are rested and warmed by a beautiful nature-filled day. I can't think of anything more perfect. Except having a newborn to take with us next time!

More weekend outdoors-y pictures

Courtesy of getting hubby a photobucket account he doesn't know about (yup, I managed to max out flickr as well, don't ask me how)! Bound to now keep messing up resizing having gotten used to a different system...

In mum's garden, Morgan's favorite outdoor activity - spooning sand OUT of the sandpit and INto any available receptacle. The plant pots have a nice dusting of sand on top of each one, and the birdbath is a bit unsuitable for bathing in. Our sandpit is going to be built soon, well, as soon as we've managed to trim the weeds down a little bit so we can find the least bumpy place for it, as our lawn only gets two haircuts a year generally! I can see me getting a bit sick of asking for the sand to stay in the sand area; but then again we have VERY wet heavy soil so maybe sand everywhere can only be an improvement?

Oh I can't wait to be spending the summer in the garden, eating outside most days, nursing a small baby on a bench in the sunshine, watching helplessly as the children dig up the onion sets again because the baby is asleep, laughing at Jenna's blackcurrant-stained face, seeing another little person touch grass for the first time - and soil, and sand, and brick...

We burned some old broken fencing on the firepit, and the girls stayed back with far more wariness than I expected. Our first fire of the year actually, and they seem to remember how hot it is without me fussing.

Mum also introduced us to something wonderful - a brand new farm shop, who MAKE THEIR OWN ICE-CREAM!! Yum. We came home with a big bunch of daffodils from mum, and a big tub of strawberry ice-cream from the shop. It only lasted about two minutes after I took a photo.

On Sunday afternoon we were at the in-laws for the first time in months. We walked to the park Martin used to play on as a child - apparently nothing has changed - and Jenna demonstrated her scary upper-body strength by climbing fearlessly up a frame taller than I am and then lowering herself slowly by her arms to drop down inside it!


Morgan ALWAYS spots anything in the sky - be it bird, "airpwane", "eecopter", or "buwoon"! She's a transport nut at the moment. How can a child who can't say her own name yet and who rarely strings more than three words together have so MANY words for kind of transport? She differentiates between van, truck, lorry, car, train and bus with the ease of a much older child.

Feeling huge and uncomfortable still. And a little jealous that everyone else seems to be having their babies before me! But it will be my turn soon. :) There is just so much to look forward to! This is the closest I have to a new bump picture, one of three sari ring slings I'm making for GP mamas (the only one I already had the rings for lol so the first one to be made)!

Short weekend thoughts on learning...

The last few days have been amazing; she has started using her reference books, really using them...

I look things up online myself, when I need some information, and although I DO use reference books sometimes I don't talk about what I'm doing. It's one of those invisible activites in our house. But Jenna does have her own reference books, looks in them from time to time, doesn't read them, but likes to have them on her shelves where she can see them. I think before now they just made her feel grown up, like if she wanted to know something then she COULD, it was just finding the right book (and someone to help decode it for her)!

On Saturday she suddenly came running in from outside, clutching her bird book. She thrust it at me, pointed at a picture of a blackbird and said, all in a rush, "What kind of bird is he? There's one of those in the garden RIGHT NOW and I saw him and he's the same as the book!" I said he was a blackbird, and this picture is of the female and this is the male, and she ran off with the book in her hands again calling back to me that she KNEW it was a boy blackbird anyway and she was going to go and see if she could see any more of the birds that are in the book!

Then, after we saw some frogspawn in a pond, she came home and went right to the bookshelves to look for her encyclopedia. After much frowning she demanded to know which book she would find frogs in, and when given the right volume she flicked through to find frogs and spent a happy half hour talking about ALL the pictures of frogs, frog bones, frogspawn, tadpoles... She can't read enough of it to decode any more meaning than she gets from the pictures, but it has still shocked me that this has just come, so naturally.

She is curious, she wants to know more, she goes and starts trying to find something that will tell her more. And it has so little to do with me apart from facilitating by finding volumes or reading words out to her!

I think that this is where so many people don't understand what it is exactly we do - even people who have heard of unschooling or have read a bit about it. It's easy to give the impression that unschooling is still something that we DO TO a child. We wait for a teachable moment, and then we teach them something. It's something they're interested in (yay) therefore we can try to fit our knowledge into their heads... But that just isn't what's happening in our lives; we're learning and developing all of the time, but not through teaching/learning. Just through living.

Not that I never talk about things I'm interested in, or try to share something with her, or answer her question with an explanation... Just that when I share something with her I'm not expecting her to learn it, or trying to make her understand it. There IS a difference. There feels like a difference: and I know all too well when I'm trying to teach instead of just be with her.

The book use is a big deal to me. It has shown me that I'm not crazy to think that this is working well for us, and has clarified for me that I don't WANT to be a teacher and I don't need to be. If I saw myself as teaching homeschool I would have introduced the reference volumes to her. I probably would have made a point of using them to look things up. The moment she showed an interest in them I'd have explained how they work and how to find things by letter of the alphabet. And any time she asked a question, I'd have gone to the books and looked it up, and tried to get her to decode the pages with me.

But I don't need to look for learning opportunities. Or teachable moments. I just need to live. Because she's watching... Even the things I think are minor and invisible.

Walking today Jenna spotted the blackbird at the top of this rambling. She was so excited we had to stop and take a picture. The knowledge is hers, not mine. Gained in her way, not mine. I can trust this process. It's a beautiful thing to watch.

3am today...

...and my brain would NOT go to sleep, no matter how tired the rest of me was. And nothing would do but to get up and move the living room around and do some Serious Cleaning. This had better be nesting!



New crafting table for the girls, and tidied sofa area... And look at the toys! It isn't going to stay like this. But I swear, there is NOTHING under my sofa or chairs (that shouldn't be there anyway). I scared the spiders again. Now I just need a baby, before the Crazy House-cleaning Mama comes back again in the early hours and I lose yet more much-needed sleep...

Treats!

...another little something special for baby. Huge huge thanks to Liz of Dark Star Baby for making these custom shorts (and TINY gorgeous booties)!



And a sling for my Jenna, repurposed from my first ever home-made mei tai (whose straps were too narrow for me but are just fine for a four year old!).



Today we urgently had to get some things in the post, do some shopping (no washing soap left in the house) and use a book voucher that was about to go out of date. I was partly sneakily hoping that planning Important Things to Do would encourage baby to disrupt our plans, but no such luck. We're home. And we found some very cool little Easter presents for the girls.



Of course Jenna went through the bags and found them as soon as we got home, so no surprises, but ah well...