Random scenes of our yesterday activities

(With added thanks for the crying support network, those who suggested fennel tea get extra added bonus friend-points! I drank some last night and we skipped the colic game altogether. *phew*)

This is Rowan early in the morning. I put her down for a moment to get dressed, and saw this serious grunty thumb sucking going on! I took a picture before picking her up and nursing again lol, but I was really very shocked. I guess we breastfeed so frequently I didn't even suspect she would look elsewhere, and she's so tiny to have discovered her hands already in the first place!
Two big girls playing rough again. I try not to comment unless there is an angry face or unless someone protests and the other doesn't respond. After all, rolling around play fighting is fun. I'm spending a lot of time at the moment thinking that I was four once, I was two once, and I remember how frustrating it was to be nagged about every single fun thing in my world. It's against my nature to back off, shut up, and let them get on with things. But they really need it!
Some sewing - I mended my favorite fairtrade t-shirt, with new buttons from the button box. It is a great improvement, not only to have four actual buttons (two had broken) but to have bright non-matching ones. :) I had quite a bit of fun going through the button box too; it was very nearly my favorite toy when I was about seven and going through my MUM'S buttons (kept in an old ice-cream tub with grey-ish peeled-off label on top and broken seal around one corner!). I have just realised as I type this that I am too posessive of my sewing supplies and should start letting the girls play with them.
In the evening I nursed a tired Morgan to sleep. And then was passed a tired Rowan and nursed her to sleep as well. There is not enough room on my sofa!

Fresh air

Much needed walks and outdoor play this morning after a few colicky evenings and some really bad news.

Martin's mum has been in remission for a while now, having had some cancerous spots on her legs. Now the cancer is back, and seems to have spread to her stomach and neck as well. Things aren't looking good, but they're still talking in terms of treatment, so we hold on to hope. It has been a very sad day though, and Martin is struggling to hold back his tears.

Out we went to the farm, did a little bit of food shopping (fresh veggies are my favorite retail therapy after books and beautiful wooden toys!) and spent a while in the wind and the light warm rain playing on the big trampolines and swings. My mum, beautiful as ever, spent a happy while babywearing.
All prayers appreciated for my darling Mother-in-law. :(


And huge thanks to Becks, whose gift was perfectly timed to make my morning seem a whole lot less dark. Thankyou hun, they are beautiful. :)

Another day of multiple posting (sorry lol)

So, how are things? I've been missing more frequent contact with all of you out there, your daily thoughts and all of the goings on in your families! Very excited to be meeting some of you soon at the Green Parent weekend. :)

We're still definately babymooning, though probably doing a lot more than we ought to be. I have enjoyed so much time and freedom, and having so much fun with my whole family together, but it is quite tiring. I don't think I'd babymoon this way again (oh goodness, that sounds like I'm planning another one - am I already thinking about the next baby??!) We're also using the car more than we want to be, but doing all of those further-away adventures that normally are reserved for very rare occasions. At least that's one thing that will be positive about Martin's leave coming to an end in just under two weeks, no more car guilt!

Here is that darling tiny one, resting on the soft cushion of an empty-post-partum belly. How my confidence must have grown to have even taken this picture; five years ago I would have been unable to share it certainly. Oh the feelings come and go, but today acceptance of a body that has nurtured beautiful new lives and is just the way it ought to be. Even if Morgan comes and pokes me to tell me that I wobble. ;)
I've been really slipping towards the permissive with the older girls, and am just getting more whining and unhappy behaviour as my reward. Being "nice mummy" does not have to involve just doing whatever they want... I don't know why it's so hard to strike a balance and meet everyone's needs! I go from yelling to anything goes and back again so often I confuse *myself*. Things are certainly far better than when I was pregnant though, and I'm finding gradually my feelings and ability to have patience are returning - even growing. :)

EC is going more slowly now. On the one hand I'm not thinking about it like I did with Morgan. On the other hand I think overall Rowan is wearing more nappies, because we're out more. I just have accepted, with so many things right now, that showing grace for my children and for other people ought to also be extended to showing grace for myself and the place I find myself in RIGHT NOW. There is this tension between the world I know I want to live in, the world as it is, and my strange place with a foot in each.

I'm being inspired to live more how I want to live, be more as I want to be with other people (especially my precious children). And I think also, bit by bit, I am being given the means to get there. I am so incredibly blessed.

These three who have been my best earthly teachers, oh how each day changes them. Rowan is very colicky at the moment, but so full of her own character and her own strange baby wisdom. She is teaching me a lot about babies, when I thought I probably knew it all already. ;) She is also another lesson in living in the moment.

Morgan is so strong, so willing to be vulnerable and ask for help, so energetic and determined to push through when she needs something to happen. She has a delicious sense of fun, and helps me be just a bit childish too. I highly recommend a good dose of real silly play in every adult day. :) Favorite toys of the moment - anything that can be banged on while singing little made-up songs, and all kinds of wooden playfood (and other small objects) to be mixed into odd concoctions and fed to a family member!

Jenna is especially teaching me about respect at the moment. How the more you give the more you get. How fragile confidence is when someone is intent on correcting your guesses and crushing your inconvenient creative impulses. I say, "oh stop it, just sit still for ONE MINUTE" and then wish so much that I could take it back, because I can remember vividly that same feeling of betrayal I see in her face. Saying sorry doesn't seem like nearly enough, but I say it anyway, and her sunny thoughtful un-self-concious forgiveness flows freely. If only I could demonstrate half of her sweet gracious dignity.

Another garden day

Loving the sunshine!My vegetables, finally some seedlings looking good and protected from the cat... Spinach, lettuces (well, teeny baby ones so far), broccoli (last year we got to this point and then they were all eaten), large mint plant, and courgette (doing as well this year as ever, but sadly just out of shot). Also off-camera, tomato seedlingsjust starting to come up, and potatoes (doing nothing visible). Had to totally replant the onions which died a catty death.And Rowan in her first ever back-wrap so I could collect the trmmings from our hedge which was badly in need of a haircut! We couldn't touch the hedge at the end though, due to the exciting nest-related activity going on down there... :)

Bellydancing party!

Where we were on Saturday night - a Hafla for cancer charities. Oh what a wonderful night... www.shimmy-armageddon.co.uk





Note especially my gorgeous mum holding a little pixie baby in the second image down! Vest with wings, sari ring sling, and Morgan's dress all made by me. Next to some of the amazing costumes other ladies had made... The lady in the last picture was someone we only met for the first time, but she was so wonderful with the children and was clearly dying for a cuddle with Rowan - who dozed right off the moment she was passed over. Normally I'm reluctant to pass the baby around, but there was just something about this lady. :)

Sherwood Forest pictures

A weekend trip out with Naomi and family to explore the woods. Slightly further than our local woodland, but so much space for children to run loose and make their own discoveries!
Mushroom spotting, a favorite Jenna activity. She identified this as Artist's Fungus, and spend a happy few minutes making spots on it with a stick. She used her mushroom book to find out what this was, which thankfully Daddy had thought to throw in the change bag before we left the house!
We found this beautiful nature sculpture partway round the short walk to the Major Oak and back. The children spent a long time adding to it (and also running off with some of the sticks and playing in the leaves lol).
Stopping for a quick milk break, surrounded by happy children.

Tree windows!

My family

Well, some folks WERE complaining that there were not enough pictures the last couple of weeks. ;) Nothing like feast-or-famine to keep you on your toes. Morgan's little tearstained face was because she was not allowed to take Rowan off Martin! They really do fight over who gets the most kisses and cuddles with this baby - so much so we're lucky if me and the daddy get a look in.
It feels strange to dress this little boo still, but the wind has been deceptively piercing even with her in a wrap all the time! Speaking of which, she HATES being in the slings when she's awake, and will only settle in them when already drowsy. She's just in arms all the time, in someone's arms anyway. She loves cuddling up with other family members, smiles beautifully for them, even lies peacefully in Jenna's arms for long periods. Oh I miss her then!

How can they be mine?

Happy sunshiney pictures by my biggest girl.

Said biggest girl, making the prickly pile up pieces talk to each other - here they are apparently dancing. :) All the things that she learns every day! She still speaks so articulately, and is so grown up. Almost everywhere we go, everyone we meet comments on how polite and confident and well-spoken she is. Usually only moments before they find out she doesn't go to school and tell me she will be socially disadvantaged. ;)

A toddler, who has not worn a nappy all week (oh how time flies, so quickly I forget even to mention such happenings because it all just fits together so naturally)! She has been nappy-free at home since she could walk (and before that, when we did EC with her until she started to crawl) but any time we put clothes on her we would end up with damp knees and little puddles on floors. So we just left it, no big deal, no potty training, no fuss. This week we took her out without a nappy, and never looked back. Another unexpected, as I bought wholesale the conventional wisdom that such things must NEVER be attempted in the midst of a major life-change like a new sibling. ;) Another first, another last, another step along the road.

And of course, my new precious daughter. I just will NOT let myself think that in the blink of an eye she too will be so tall and strong and fast...

May birthday walk, and other thoughts

It was Martin's birthday yesterday and we ended up at Attenborough again, in the glorious sunshine. What a beautiful place to spend a birthday. I love May sunshine!
And what a beautiful baby, already three weeks old! We saw the health visitor first thing, who tried to tell me that studies show co-sleeping is dangerous. I quoted the study, told her the factors it "mistakenly" didn't correct for, and who funded it, and quoted Unicef's website. And she got very flustered and apologised and told me that I'm doing everything right. Hmm... Thanks I think... She left me with a big pile of propaganda ;) including one sheet telling me why I shouldn't cosleep (produced by FSID who are a parent pressure group not a medical body) and one from Unicef telling me why I should. Gotta love the NHS...

Another set of nursing pictures

I know, I know - there have been a lot of these lately. Hey, guess what I'm spending most of my time doing?

We really must get some better pictures of Rowan... It's just that she's so often being snuggled and she's so often squishily asleep, and frankly, we're too busy gazing at her to remember that cameras exist. She's getting bigger already though. Every time, this lengthening and uncurling shocks me and fascinates me and makes me just a little sad for how fast it happens and how soon the real newness wears off.

May Day pictures

(yes I know that was ages ago in blog-land lol, but I will continue to use the babymooning excuse for another few weeks yet - after which I shall find another!)

Baskets for gathering may, and ribbon crowns for two little fairies. I love love love may blossom, gloriously laden branches everywhere we go! Nursing on the farm, where we visited with the animals, played on the swings, and bought ice-cream. Particular amusement from watching a large gathering of small boys in heated discussion about whether a wheelbarrow full of, um, compost (!) was the work of the goats or the chickens. A living room picnic for tea, after retreat from the cold and damp of the garden. And cake, complete with maypole. :)

Phew!

Jenna was sick all night and then slept all day. I was sick all day and all night. Rowan spit up all of one feed and a bit of another and was fine after that. We all seem OK this morning! Rowan is a bit grumpy though, from having had me detach her and rush to the bathroom at least ten times through the night. Poor baby.

Look what arrived this morning though - Denise, you are amazing! She's such a gorgeous little snuggly thing, none of us can stop touching her. I had forgotten just how adorable they feel when they still have no muscle tone and those little soft hairy monkey arms are all skin and fat and bone. I'm surprised with all the kisses that she didn't get sick too! The power of mummy milk I guess. Which would also explain why Morgan was only sick once...

This morning they nursed together, with Rowan lying on top of Morgan, Morgan's hand stroking and hugging her little sister the whole time. When Rowan fell asleep like that Morgan very carefully unlatched too and scooted away, supporting Rowan's head with her hand, so that Rowan could lie comfortably next to me on the bed. :)