Another busy random unschooling day

We had such a lovely lovely day yesterday. Mostly it was lovely because it was peaceful, and because I stayed calm, managed to get some time to read some of my library books, and the girls were generally very sweet and funny. Days like that make me feel like I'm not doing so badly after all. :)

We played snap and dominoes (both of which are at the moment) and the girls carried on a ton of observed role play which I would love to be able to write up properly because it is so typical of everything good in our lives at the moment... Jenna had the mandala cards out... We cooked... I should have written down everything we did, because if I could even categorise half of what we did into conventional subjects we probably covered a week's curriculum!

But anyway, at least I *can* share some pictures of a crazy active two hour long yoga and dance session. We started off doing some yoga stretches, Jenna suggesting a progression, me suggesting a related pose, telling stories about the movements and talking about how our bodies were feeling and about our breathing... This is me doing a progression from Warrior Pose, still in my PJs, with a headscarf tied around my head (by Jenna) to "make [me] look like a fierce warrior woman"! As reluctant as I am to share these picture of myself (which I don't like at all), they do carry some amazing memories. It's funny, normally pregnancy is the time when I am most comfortable in my body and most like my curves, and yet I'm dithering about posting up pictures taken by my four year old of me dancing around like a lunatic wearing an unflattering bra... Right, dilemma over, I'm putting them up and telling myself to stop being silly.

Jenna was half singing half chanting one of my favorite verses for pregnancy and childbirth - "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of love and of power and a strong mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) I love this kid, she is going to be an amazing birth supporter!

We ended up carrying on for ages, and doing lots of bellydance; talking about childbirth and the birth dance and the history and social context of bellydance, messing about using veils... And then more yoga. It was amazing. Again, I wish I could really write it down. Even the pictures don't really tell much, because most of the blissful lively restful fun morning it didn't even occur to us to get the camera out, which shows how engrossed Jenna was (normally she wants to photgraph EVERYTHING!).Here are some more baby-related yoga-ish stuff Jenna was coming up with. She had me come back down to join them on the floor after I'd sat down for a break, and then tied a red ribbon around my belly; she said it was my cord tied to my belly button, connecting me to all of my children. We talked about how my mother carried me in her tummy, and her mummy carried her, and we are all connected through time to every generation. She is fascinated at the moment with the idea of the placenta and is really curious to see one in real life.This is Jenna and Morgan gently rocking a doll in a pale blue silk cloth. The story for this picture was about the baby being rocked gently in the waters in my womb. Jenna laughed, gave the cloth a speedy shake, and said THAT was how the baby felt when I was just dancing and doing belly rolls! In the picture she's singing a made-up lullaby.

Ah, and because I'd forgotten I'd taken them and can't resist, look at these pictures of Jenna working on mandala designs. :)

Tired and fed up!

We made it to story time today, but only just. I am REALLY SICK of Morgan refusing to go in the sling and I am REALLY SICK of her screaming and refusing to walk (and then screaming and refusing to be carried) and the book bag was heavy and Morgan was heavy and both children wanted to run off and explore this wonderful big wide world (not caring for hazards such as busses etc)...

I'm not stressed any more. But only because as soon as Martin got home I ran off and had a bath and massaged bump and washed my hair and read one of my library books! Daddy did tea, and I came down not feeling like throttling anyone.

I've been doing day 4 of the blood glucose monitoring today (3 days one week, 3 days the next week, was the recommendation) and everything is still reassuringly normal. I noticed that when my blood sugars were low today that was when I was most tired and stressed, so I'm resolving to try really hard to eat more frequently!

And that's the story for today. Repeat as needed: She will not be two forever...

Printing and tie-dye fun

So here is all of the girls' hard work printing and fabric painting; the vest with the tree painted on it is all my work, and I helped with the more complicated shapes for printing, but the tiny t-shirt with "fireworks" on it is all their co-operative effort! :)


And a lot of dying, to liven up some pale pale blue and a couple of white baby items. The tie-dye sleepsuit is much more brown than pink, but I took this picture at night without a flash. The giraffe top was a 50p charity shop find in black and white, and Martin hated it. He's much more keen for some reason, now that it is bright orangey-red.


Here I am, wearing the turquoise maternity top that Jenna printed little leaves and flowers all over. You can't see much of the t-shirt, because Morgan is in the way, but to my mind that just makes for an even better picture. ;)


All of the pregnancy weaning urge has faded now, in fact there was less of that than I expected (nursing Jenna in pregnancy I found VERY frustrating), but even those few INTENSE moments of "oh just leave me alone" have gone. Don't get me wrong, I'm still nursing a toddler and so still have those moments to some degree ;) and plenty of times when she asks for milk and I say no because I'm busy or feel like saying no because I'm not in the mood. But then when I take her in my arms it's like that wonderful newborn honeymoon phase all over again, when the tough bit is starting to be just a memory and you can lose yourself in those baby eyes for hours.

I've been a bit quiet about this, I suppose because it's just unusual to talk about breastfeeding a two year old in most circles. But I really love nursing her again, and I've come round from just wanting it to work out and knowing that it's the best thing for us, and truly enjoying the closeness and peace it brings to a very chaotic time!

On grief and joy (more rambling)

One of those moments keeps happening to me, when people ask how many children I have. It has become automatic to lay a hand on my belly, smile, say "two already, and this one due in April". But my traitor heart still wants to say I'm mother to six.

I go through phases of things to worry about - the logical and illogical alike - and a recent one that occured to me in the wee small hours was the date that this baby could decide to arrive. Not normally something I would think about much, any further than "soon" or "not for ages". Well it has occured to me (or re-occured to me) that a very likely due date for bump would be the 12th of April (late but not very late), which is exactly one year from the day my tiny Lael arrived. What I can't decide is whether sharing a birthday like that will make things, over the years, harder or easier.

And then I wonder if anything could make it harder, and how on earth I will react this year being either heavily pregnant or with a newborn in my arms. The grief never vanishes completely, and in wanting another child soon I think I let myself forget that an anniversary is creeping nearer and it will be... hard...

At the same time as I am feeling full of life, celebrating birth and goodness and rightness, I have to remember death and pain and loss. Ironic, as this year would the 12th will be Easter Sunday.

I spent yesterday walking along, in the cold, on my own, dwelling on all of that irony. And right then and there had one of those contractions that well-meaning people call "painless Braxton Hicks tightenings" but which nevertheless make you stop in your tracks and breathe funny for a minute. ;) And then a bird was singing, and I looked around and realised that I'd semi-automatically turned onto the path behind the park as one of my many routes home, and saw new buds everywhere, heard the dried out long grasses rustle aginst the green railings, saw moss and a small tree flourishing on a warehouse roof against all logic.

I walked the rest of the way home feeling blessed.

I am blessed to have two bright daughters bursting with energy and noise and love and laughter. I am blessed to be sitting here complaining about braxton hicks and being kicked in the bladder and baby being active at night. I am blessed to have carried six little ones for long or for short, and to be able to talk about them and share their lives and their blessings.

See what I end up writing when tired and unable to get photos to upload? You *were* warned about the possible consequences of having me back. ;)

And finally, yes I can do as I'm told (sometimes)

And here, in fact, is that promised totally up to date bump picture. Pictures plural, even, since you've been so patient! :)



The children are still both loving the weasel. How cute is this?



Also note more charity shop bargain clothes - especially the red tunic which is so VERY Morgan. We've been making so many things for the baby, dying and printing and weaving and, well, all sorts of crafty persuits, but uploading all of those pictures has sapped my brain of any coherant ramblings. On that note, off to take a final blood glucose level before falling into bed...

Assorted post-Christmas pictures (nearly up to date now!)

The gorgeous wooden play kitchen that we spent all our Christmas money on... And my beautiful tiny daughter posing in front of it. ;)


Same pretty toddler, having mummy milk and petting the cat at the same time...


Epiphany display...


More cold walks (and the weather is BITTER)...


More Christmas gifts, tiny wooden birds from Mamakopp's etsy shop (remember me going on about those? Proof positive of how loved they are!). Morgan likes to count them in and out of the bag "on, doo, eee... doo, eee, doo!" On the basis, presumably, that if you can't remember the words you should just go back and repeat the bits you DO know. :)


And just because, a rare picture of Morgan actually on my knee for something other than milk!

Christmas pictures

Christingle...



Talking to the bump a couple of days before Christmas...


Music session with friends (note what Morgan is up to as usual lol)...


And presents all hidden away in a treasure chest ready for morning...


Nearly 9am and some little people have found their stockings...


A lovely new toy for two happy little girls...


Family pictures!

Morgan's Birthday

Here is the last picture of Morgan age 1 year. Just as I would have wished it, full and contented and sleepy in my arms.


So, here we are then, she's TWO now. And don't I know it, with her little finger up her nose all of the time and her amusing new game of running as fast as she can in another direction when I call her... ;) She is the funniest little toddler. That's the first thing strangers tell me about my child, not how pretty she is or how clever she is or how good she is, but how funny she is. "Determined" - "a character" - "a handful". Parenting her is certainly exhausting, but oh! So much fun!

A small pile of gifts and a balloon hidden under some play silks...


Birthday breakfast, and train of animals and candles for the birthday girl...


Riding on Daddy's back over the bridge at Attenborough...


All ready for a night-time walk back at the park near our house...

Of my December doing

Cool home-made gifts...


More felt-making...


Pre-Christmas bump...


And lots of cold walks...

A here and there day

Today we borrowed a car again - we are having a really bad run with public transport and we had a few appointments to make all in one go. Part of me is really looking forward to eventually owning a car again. Emotionally, I hate cars. I hate travelling in cars. I can't get over being totally freaked out by attempting to learn to drive cars. I don't WANT a car. But I'm very very sick of arguing with bus drivers and waiting in the cold for an hour for a bus that doesn't come and trying to make Morgan stay on a seat with no seatbelt. Etc.

Anyhow, off topic rant there! (Now you KNOW I'm really back...)

First we had to drop the cat at the vets. She wasn't impressed. She's even less impressed now that she's back with stitches and a silly lampshade thingy. (By the way, she didn't have an accident or anything, we've just prevented the kitten question coming into play since we dare not yet leave her to the mercy of the neighbourhood Toms.)

Then off to the hospital to see the diabetic nurse. No, I have not managed to go through a glucose tollerance test. We didn't even try this time. This time I have to take some readings myself over the next couple of weeks before and after eating. I'm willing to submit to this on the basis that blood tests don't stress me out, aren't doing the baby any harm, and keep the midwives off my back about my Dad being insulin dependant. ;)

My first reading (before eating junk food for lunch) was 4.1 - my second, two hours afterwards, was 5.3. For those who like the geektrivia about such things. Apparently it's OK if it goes up to 8 after having eating (8!) but nope, my body deals with matters much faster than that. I don't think they're going to get any wierd readings out of me after two sets of the most normal readings known to mankind in spite of having broken ALL the dietry rules.

We came home via Ikea. I say via, it's actually a bit out of the way, but we really really needed to buy some dinner plates and the word Sale loomed large. We got the plates. And also a gorgeous wooden easel for the children. :)

As we pulled up at home Jenna asked if she could open her "weasel". We said yes, but after a short giggle, pointed out that it's actually an easel, and a weasel is something different. Visibly disappointed, Jenna said, "Oh. Oh well. Can I still draw on it if it's not a weasel?"

This makes me smile so much I just know that it has undergone an automatic name change. The children are currently having another happy drawing session before bed, occasionally inspecting each others' work on the other side of the weasel.

Yup, it's me again!

Computer: back and in fully working condition.

Children: absolutely flipping manic (has someone been feeding them caffeine??!), parenting them right now feels like trying to juggle a sackful of monkeys.

Me: still sick, still better than I was, still a bit up and down (but again generally better) and totally totally shattered from making an average of six bathroom trips a night...

Baby: wiggly. Cutely sticky-out. And stubbornly the wrong way up most of the time.

Life in general: really good. Lots of craft stuff and fun games and other things that make me smile.

Proper updates and some backdated pictures and ramblings: coming up when I'm less shattered.

Also,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Naomi darling, I'm so so sorry you had a tough day. I also know that you will hate me for calling belated and unwanted attention to you, but you're a star and if anyone deserves a bit of a fuss making of them it's you. (birthday hugs) We're building up quite a pile of presents after so long so either postage needs to get REALLY cheap or we HAVE to come and see you. If you leave it til that little toddler turns two you won't be able to carry everything that made me think of you in the interim. ;)

A quick note

To let those of you know who are unable to otherwise contact me, that we're alive and doing OK and the *insert expletive here* computer has been down for two weeks. Will be back with updates and belated postings of randomness in the new year, because I've certainly been writing a lot (and missing everyone).

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone, and I'll be back as soon as our friend manages to replace the components that exploded...

More home-made decorations

Instructions from Kleas (found via The Crafty Crow). I was really grateful for the inspiration, because I've been looking for such a short sweet simple felting project ever since I got my felting supplies, and the girls are really a bit small to allow anywhere near needle felting...


Poking the wool with blunt instruments...


Finished but very very damp. The children were both a little bit damp too, but that's what comes of giving Jenna a squirty bottle filled with soapy water to wet the projects with - yes I *knew* what would happen, and I still gave her control of the bottle, the joys of neglectful parenting again. :)

In fact today has gone very much to plan (apart from conjunctivitis) and I'm still coping OK being on my own with them again. And we *did* actually make bread, so I feel pretty pleased with myself. Making bread is, perhaps, the benchmark of Coping in my house. This sort of thing used to come easy, and now it feels like work. But it's getting better, I think. I hope.

Another slightly random update

Home made mince pies!


You may *just* be able to see in this picture, Jenna has conjunctivitis. The doctor can't see us for another three days, so no antibiotics for her, and it looks like we're going to miss out on her friend's birthday party on Saturday. It always all comes at once, doesn't it? Morgan has been rubbing *her* eyes today too, further confirming my diagnosis.

The silly thing is, we could be seen today IF we went to the drop-in centre. Which has a lovely big soft play area in the corner and a very horrible crowded waiting room. Now I can stand the waiting room, but there's no way I can keep them both off the play equipment, and it just isn't fair to spread this to all those children. I don't get it - it seems like some mad sort of torture to put a lovely big play area in when chances are most of the children who are in an emergancy waiting area in the first place are probably ill and quite possibly contagious!

Plan for today: Make bread, wet-felt some hanging ornaments for friends, wait in for the post (I'm expecting candles and essential oils, yay).

And this morning....

... we have SNOW!



Yes, and that is our street looking very terraced and grey (once again you can see why I long to live somewhere green). And yes, it is still dark in this picture - the girls had to go and make a snowman before breakfast. And yes, that is Morgan eating snow there. :S What can I say? Sometimes the best parenting runs to benign neglect. ;)

The garden looked beautiful and magical, but apparently was no use for gathering enough snow to do anything with (the garden is also lovingly neglected and the grass is knee deep to a small Morgan) and also was no good for sliding. We finally retreated to eat hot cereal after nearly an hour, when Morgan was turning slowly blue and both girls had soaked their gloves through.

Decorations!

Well we don't seem to have any working lights (isn't that traditional?) but up went the tree anyway, and all the other bits and pieces.






Izzy likes the tree very much. But apparently tinsel is not all that edible, even for a strange cat like ours who eats hair bands and bubble wrap...

It just remains for us to take our walk around the nearest woods and gather a bit of greenery. :)

Woodland Winter Walk

So this is how we spent our Sunday, in the freeezing cold having a nice winter walk with friends. We had a car again just for the weekend, because we were going for a meal in Nottingham with Martin's family on Saturday night (which was actually really lovely and not at all stressful!).

And Sunday found us in Sherwood Forest, wrapped up as warmly as possible. Thanks to Naomi and family for a most wonderful afternoon (even if Morgan did turn a little bit blue in spite of layers and sling and everything).




I don't think Tristan was very happy about having to give the rainbow umbrella back though...

Assorted further disjointed doing stuff

So a while back I promised a picture of Morgan's birthday present. Maybe that wasn't here, but anyhow, I know you all hang out in the same places lol, so here it is.



We've been doing more Christmassy making, decorations and the like. Today we're all about the paper chains. I'm not sure my house is ever going to be unglued again. Anyway, later when Martin gets home the tree is going up and the nativity is going to take over the mantlepiece and all of the wintery clutter *currently* up there is going onto the season table. So no doubt this week will be full of seasonal pictures from me!



More soap making...



A wire and bead season table make (not for me but shh, it's a secret)!



Scented cookie decorations (apple sauce, PVA glue, and cinnamon) all ready for gingham ribbon and white painted "icing"...

Not sure if the children are coming down with something. Jenna at least is really droopy, and Morgan felt unusually warm last night and woke twice for milk so I'm keeping my eye on them. Once we get the paperchains off the floor and out of the way a little we're going to make fudge (I finally found non-nestle condensed milk!) and then hopefully walk to the post office.

Jenna isn't keen on the idea of going anywhere today, but I'm not sure how long I can stay Nice Mummy if we don't get fresh air. This is my first full day on my own with them in nearly two weeks and I'm determined not to ruin it by being hysterical. Even though when I woke up this morning I could hear little voices downstairs and that turned out to be the children eating tonight's surprise pudding for their breakfasts...

And lastly, can I say one more time that I am REALLY SICK of being told that the best way for me to stop being depressed would be to send the children to nursery/wean Morgan/stop babywearing/slow down. It's these things that are keeping me here, for now, and the last thing I need is to stop the things that make me feel I actually can do this, do at least *something* the way I want to. And can you imagine me dealing with depression PLUS hormonal low from weaning??